A light in the Life
by luvyourspirit
Summary: What does Rory do when she discovers her pregnancy? This fic explores her relationship with Logan and herself as main event, told from her POV. Will she decide to tell Logan? How does she, her family, friends, and the city react? The characters's original traits are kept as realistic and human as possible. We can see their deepest emotions and complexities. UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1 - The Great Lorelai?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** Hi GG orphans, this is my first fanfic, I mean EVER. Just like Rory, maybe I don't know what I'm doing, so feel free to teach me. I know I should probably be looking for something else to do, but screw it, I want to share my crazy thoughts with you. I hope your madness matches mine!

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CHAPTER 1: THE GREAT LORELAI?

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It's been eleven weeks. I thought it would be harder, but I was still feeling the same. I always heard how pregnancy was a gift, but it didn't sound real to me. Not yet. I was still having a hard time on figuring out how I ended up like this. Life was always pretty good to me; I used to have the biggest dreams of the world and many opportunities. No one would guess that I would be pregnant at 32, unmarried, unemployed, aimless.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I used my time scouring the past. My mother still kept an old box with my childhood things and I started with it. I felt weird sitting on the bed where the dreamy girl inside me used to sleep; now we were two different people. Most people still retained the old image inside their heads of the girl I used to be, not how I am now. Just another woman with nothing special in the world, making me feel more hopeless.

After telling my mom last week, I had burst into tears. Saying it out loud for the first time gave it a sense of morbid finality. I knew that Lorelai loved me regardless of what I did and would support me anyway she could, but I couldn't shake the feeling at I had disappointed her, even though she would never admit it.

My mom had sacrificed her life for mine and I knew that she didn't want this for me. She would like me to follow the right steps: a stable career, a strong marriage, a welcoming home, and then, a baby. In my mind, the day itself would be sunny and I would call her to share the happy news. In the loving embrace of my husband, we would build an amazing life together for our child. She wouldn't want me to go through the struggles of raising a child alone like she did. Thinking that I'd ruined everything, was driving me crazy.

I knew that life wasn't always rainbows and sunshine, but I was foolish enough to believe that mine would be. The frustration of not being able to control every aspect of my life despite my attempts was overwhelming. It was humbling in a sick and twisted way.

We didn't talk about it since she left for her honeymoon with Luke. In fact, I didn't know if I was ready to yet. I couldn't talk to her, Lane or...Logan.

If I were in a similar life crisis months ago, I would probably be calling him. When I needed to feel safe, I'd call him. When I needed to talk about my fears and problems, I'd call him. Though most of all, I called him when I wanted to feel loved. I thought about reaching out to him several times since learning that I was pregnant, but it didn't feel right thrusting myself into his life like a wrecking ball.

I could never understand how my father abandoned me when I was born nor could I understand how my mother felt raising me on her own despite knowing where to find him. Sadly, I now am the same spot as her: terrified about having a baby coming from a complex relationship where I didn't even know if it was real. Having no answers was enough then, but not anymore.

The only difference between our situations was that Logan had Odette, the flawless heiress his family always wanted. She had long legs and a Hollywood smile. Probably always shaved in important places — everything I could never be.

Thinking about the scenario stirred an awful feeling in my stomach. I had never felt loved by Hayden's grandparents. I was the outcast bastard after all, a constant reminder and stain to the family. To them, my only function was to ruin the life of their beloved child. A loveless relationship was not what I wanted for my baby. I wouldn't let him feel how I did. No child deserves that. I really believed that the Logan I knew was different from his family, but he gave up making his own choices.

I haven't begun to show yet, so I at least have more time to decide my course of action. I'm not like Adaline, but I had time; not a lot, but some.

Needing to unwind, I decided to take a long shower. As the hot water fell on my dizzy head, I made a mental list of things I should do. I was starting to relax when an annoying ring interrupted my thoughts.

I cursed. I just wanted to be alone right now, though I idly wondered who would be visiting the house, as everyone in town knew my mom and Luke were traveling. I wrapped myself in a towel as fast as I could and exited the bathroom still thinking about who this visitor might be.

Halfway to the door I realized who this person was. Stopping for a moment, I contemplated ignoring the door. She would be mad at me for sure, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with her right now.

I decided to check to make sure and I headed to the door as silently as I could and looked through the peephole. I was right and I prepared to back away.

"Rory, quit hiding. I can see your feet!" she called. I sighed and reached to the doorknob.

"Hi, Grandma," I said tentatively, opening the door. My cheeks burned and my eyes darted across the room refusing to meet with my grandmother's.

I'd been avoiding Emily since I learned of my pregnancy. I didn't have the strength to tell her and I couldn't bear seeing the look of disappointment on her face. I loved her, but I couldn't deal with the family drama, and surely there would be some.

Her brow was raised slightly and she stared coldly at me. "When were you going to tell me?

"What?" I cringed.

"You're pregnant!"

 **A/N:** You see that pretty button staring at you? Come on, click it! :)


	2. Chapter 2 - In My Own Time

**Disclaimer:** I don't own copyrights on the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** How about this beginning? I think it's time to make things more complicated.

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CHAPTER 2: IN MY OWN TIME

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Emily was still staring at me and I couldn't bear to show any reaction. _How does she know that?_ I thought. I couldn't believe mom had told her when I said very clear that I wasn't ready to discuss this to anyone. Unbelievable.

Emily's eyes looked as if they were about to pop clean out of their sockets. The curl from her lips was worse than I imagined. I was still petrified and my lack of words increased her impatience. Her authoritative tone clearly rang her complaints, demanding an explanation until I wished she would go back to keeping her voice down.

Thawing out of my frozen state, I scanned the scenery around us. It felt as if the whole town was watching us — I, almost naked in my mom's door facing my grandmother yelling about how inconsiderate I was for keeping my ultimate dirty secret from her. Clearly not happy, she managed to successfully engineer a masterful, dramatic street show.

The small crowd outside the house began to gather. Babette and Taylor were amongst them, gathering juicy material to talk about behind my back. I swore they almost couldn't quell the excitement on their faces by hearing the latest hot news, but at the same time - felt sorry for me. _Why do these things happen to me?_ I asked myself. Yeah, I should've know I couldn't expect much from those blabbermouths anyway, but my eyes also met Lane's and a guilty feeling started to swell up inside me. _Oh crap!_ Even I, would have trouble forgiving myself. Keeping this from Lane was a hard decision to make. I didn't want to talk about it, with anyone while I wasn't safe and I was too scared to be judged by everyone stood glaring at me.

I knew I should have told her before and I definitely had the opportunity. Seeing the puzzled feeling on her face stabbed me in the chest, a real physical pain. I'd known Lane forever and that definitely wasn't the way I wanted her to find out, or the whole freaking city for that matter.

Although all this was happening in a mere flash of seconds, it seemed like an eternal humiliation, leaving me restless and irritable. I knew I'd screw up by not telling Emily and my best friend the truth like they deserved, but this public freak show was completely ridiculous and already had gone too far.

"Grandma, shut up!", I screamed back. Emily was bewildered and slightly offended. Her lethal stare felt painful and piercing, as if her glare was tearing my heart apart with a blinding teal light.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and felt her tense skin beneath my fingers.

"I know you're very angry right now and you have every right to be, but please let's take this conversation inside?" I took the situation under control and gave one last hard look to all of the outsiders. Some people scattered, embarrassed. Others waited until I slammed the door behind me.

Emily walked mute into the house stamping her feet; the lack of air between us was almost suffocating me. Okay, I knew this moment would come eventually, but I would deal with Lane later, she was the one who really mattered to me, not the others. Privacy never was Stars Hollow's biggest virtues.

I took a deep breath and looked to my grandma, standing still next to the couch with a desolated look. I could swear that something about her expression was haunting, as if she had any kind of hope this wasn't true before, but that was completely shattered. Mom probably wasn't the one who told her, she would be sure.

"Grandma, how did you find out?" I dared to ask.

"Well, Rory..." Emily sighed. She paused her voice dramatically, closing her eyes.

"When I think you and your mother don't have any more resources to embarrass me in front of the world, you do exactly the only thing I didn't expect from you, _Lorelai_ ".

She fired my name with criticism in disguise. I would take this comparison as a compliment if anybody else had made it, but coming from her with that lack of sensibility proved that Emily wanted to put me on the shameful granddaughter's feet.

I rolled my eyes, feeling the signs of emotional exhaustion reach me in such a short time. This was exactly the kind of confrontation I wanted to avoid - for now.

"Grandma, calm down. I don't want to fight with you. Can you at least hear me out? Who told you about the baby?" I insisted, crossing my arms.

"Dr. Frank told me, Rory, or should I start to call you _Lorelai_ for now on?" She muttered venomously.

"Ok, grandma, quit the sarcasm. My mom didn't do anything wrong here, this isn't fair. I'm the only responsible for this, leave her out of it. Frankly, when are you going to leave this bitterness behind? It's time!" I spat.

I didn't intent to make this sound so harsh. That was the first time I faced grandma since I left her house. Emily was always high maintenance, but I had learned how to make it work, quite different from her relationship with mom. So far at least.

"Fine!" She relented.

"Rory, I was enjoying my wonderful meal at my favorite restaurant, when Dr. Frank and his plastic wife came in to talk to me. You know how I decided to step back the DAR's responsibilities after Richard died, but I still have a name to watch over. I will not let you throw this family's name out!" She yelled at me.

"Dr. Frank congratulated me for my first great-grandson. You called the family's doctor to make your examinations and you really thought I would not find out? I don't deserve this, Rory. No! You won't raise this baby alone like your mother did. I didn't even know you were seeing Peter again and now you are pregnant. I can't take this!" She gasped.

"Grandma, Paul and I aren't seeing each other again." I used my words cautiously trying not to provoke the beast further.

"Who is Paul?" She snapped irritably.

"Paul — the guy you met. His name is Paul, not Peter." I rolled my eyes.

"I really don't care about his name, I want to know if this man will take his responsibilities and raise this child with you." Emily shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

"No!" I enunciated to her disappointment.

Her eyes widened in panic, this conversation was a literal backdrop to her deepest nightmares.

I took in a sharp breath, before facing her again. "He won't raise this baby with me because he is not the father." I admitted, looking away from her. Hearing my own words made me feel ashamed and sad. I knew I'd be lectured anytime by now, but I would never get used to disappointing people.

Emily dropped her purse on the couch in to indicate that she didn't intend to end this conversation anytime soon. I cringed, but I didn't run.

"Rory, who is the father of this child?" She said slowly with a cold, deep voice. That wasn't good. I could see her mouth writhing in distress as she waited for an answer, her feet tapping restless, pupils dilated, and her eyebrows lifted.

"You'd better sit down." I gestured. She stared at me suspiciously, as if something very bad was about to come. Perhaps I should have taken her blood pressure. I searched for the right words to describe my messed-up life, but my hands were empty and waiting was never was one of Emily's strong points.

"Rory, for the love of God, who is this child's father?" She demanded.

"Logan!" I shot.

I would keep a picture, if that wasn't the most embarrassing moment I've ever had with Emily in my life.

"Logan? Like Logan Huntzberger?" She cocked an eyebrow and squinted her eyes, snorting

"Yes." I confirmed, avoiding her eyes.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? For a moment, I walked into a 2006 time machine and revived the memory of you sleeping with the Huntzberger boy again? Do you have a new pool sex house?" She snapped sarcastically.

"You are not deaf, grandma. Logan is the father." I glanced over at her face, still scowling underneath her stony expression.

She stared at me wordless, a brutal silence. Back then, I bet she'd be probably planning dinners and boasting to mom's face, celebrating that her precious granddaughter would marry into the family and give birth to a little Huntzberger. Emily changed after grandpa died. Logan and I too. It was such an ironic turn of events, that she got what she wanted when she didn't even want it anymore.

"But he is engaged." She finally spoke again. I had nothing to say in my defense, so I just stood still with my dropped head.

My head started to hurt and tears wanted to fall down my face. I was trying so hard not to cry, afraid of not being able to stop them. I had felt this way before. I've been in pain, but people still believed in me. Now, losing the respect of everyone I love, God, it hurt a thousand times more.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Rory? How this happened?" Emily didn't hide her disappointment.

"We ran into each other 3 years ago in a reunion, and then we had dinner. Logan wasn't dating her yet. We used to hang out whenever I was in London with a no strings attached agreement." I admitted things that she probably didn't want to hear; but since we were here in this place of cold truth, I wouldn't let anything stay unsaid.

"So you were OK with being the other woman and you had unsafe sex with him? He's a man of the world, Rory. Don't you have shame of this? How irresponsible can you be?" Emily interrupted me.

"Man of what?" I had no clue of what she was talking about.

"Man of the world! Don't pretend you don't know what that means, you are a grown up woman. We don't need a priest to talk about this anymore." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes were brutal. The rigid stance like deadness, stillness.

"I wasn't the other woman," I barked. "Logan wasn't living a double life with me while dating her at the same time -it was a physical relationship, then she appeared and we were already involved."

Who am I kidding? I was the other woman indeed. I wasn't emotionally free of Logan, nor did I know if I was now.

"Involved? You were involved with a taken man?" She paused. "I was married to Richard for 50 years! 50 YEARS!" She yelled again. "Do you know how much your decisions of fooling around with an engaged man offend me? This is serious, Rory. Have you learned nothing from us? Marriage is serious, I thought you were serious, not some disposable girl!" I could tell she regretted her words straight away.

She caught me off guard. I never thought of myself that way. Not with Logan, or Dean. I knew I made mistakes, but I'd never meant to destroy someone's life, I just was carried away by my insecurities. I also knew it didn't make any difference, but coming from my own grandmother, it hurt.

I swallowed her words dryly. It tasted bitter, but it was enough to wake me up. I stared at her and let my eyes speak for me. She knew she had come on too strong , but didn't offer to apologize.

"I think it's time for you to leave, grandma." I stood up and walked toward the door.

I couldn't look at her. I wasn't some disposable girl and Logan never treated me such as. _Did he_? I pondered. That wasn't true, it couldn't be true. She didn't know him. I replayed the phrase in my head begging my feelings to be right. I'd heard enough.

Emily rose against her will and stormed out without looking back at me. I hated to fight with her, but I really needed some time alone. Plus, she didn't have the right to talk to me like that.

I headed back to the room examining the empty space around me. The house was so big when I was alone, but all that space wasn't close to the emptiness inside me. I looked myself in the mirror. The soft lines on my face should supposedly show my history, although this isn't the one I thought it would be. _Will I be proud of the person I will be in 15 years?_

After my face, I scoured the details of my body. When I was younger, I never liked how long my legs were, or how small were my breasts. This changed when I matured and I was more confident about who I was. My hands slipped to my belly and I began to get emotional. I turned my body sideways to the mirror and I rested my hands on it imagining how it will look months from now.

Anxiety ran over my skin, but in a good way. I was going to be a mother, like my mom did. That was really happening. I could do this, and nobody would say differently.

I felt peace for the first time. Maybe I just needed a passion in life, which wasn't journalism, but maternity. Tears spread down my face and I was no longer afraid of crying.

Satisfied, I decided to call Mom and share my insight. I'd been avoiding the subject with for the past weeks already felt guilty for telling her on the next morning of her wedding. She was supposed to be happy and I just made her more confused and worried. I wanted to make it right. My mother was the person I trusted the most.

I dialed the number, excited - but the picture on the screen wasn't the one I expected. _Oh my God!_ _What I've done?_ I called Logan. I jabbed my finger into the end call button repeatedly and I dropped the phone in a reflection of the fright. Am I so used to doing this, that it is my first cognitive response?

The phone only rang once, so I hoped he missed it and decided to pretend it had never happened. The shock started to give me a break, so I sat down on the bed and watched the overturned phone on the floor. My heart stopped when I saw the display lit up. Maybe it was Emily yelling at me again, mom checking me out, or Lane upset. I tried to convince myself, but deep down I knew it wasn't them. I reached the phone there was message — from Logan.

 _Is everything okay?_

The message was short but meaningful. I didn't have the guts to respond. Instead I was trying to remember how to breathe and unable to speak, totally stunned at how fast he answered me. It didn't make sense. I probably left him worried, because I had no good reason to get in touch with him. At least that's what he probably thought.

It took me a long time to react, so I felt my phone vibrating again in my hands. He texted me again, but this time the message made me shiver even more.

 _I'm in Connecticut_

 **A/N:** The review button is so lonely ... maybe you should click it! :)


	3. Chapter 3 - Text the Ex with Context

**Disclaimer:** I don't own copyrights on the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** I know what you're thinking. _Where's the blondie_? But trust me, the way is being paved.

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CHAPTER 3: TEXT THE EX WITH CONTEXT

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I didn't answer Logan's text. I'd thought about what to say many times, but simply didn't know how to start. I never imagined Logan being a father, especially of an unwanted child. Deep down, I was afraid he would reject my baby.

I focused on the right number this time and called mom. I was terrified; my hands were shaking and sweating as I waited. My heart was pounding as I breathed heavily. I was about to lose my mind when her voice relieved me.

"Fruit of my loins! How are you this evening?" She said cheerfully, trying to play it cool but I suspected, with hidden concern.

"Hi, mom. Everything is fine with me... and the baby!" I slapped my forehead. I was still having a hard to remember I wasn't alone anymore.

"Listen." My voice shook. "I'm ready to be a mom; you don't have to worry about me. I should have never freaked you out like that. It was your wedding day, that wasn't fair." I gabbled my apology.

"I know, kiddo. That's okay."

"No, it's not! I'm realizing this is really happening and that's ok. It's going to be fine!" My voice was progressively shaking. I was struggling to sound nonchalant, but she knew me so well.

"Baby, what's wrong? You don't sound okay at all to me. You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm glad you told me. Hey - wait a second." She stopped before I could reply.

I heard a sound of running water in the background.

"Mom, are you in the bathroom?" I giggled little.

"Yes! Luke can't hear us from here, and I'm not doing this only to protect your secret; but if Luke finds out you have a baby on the way, he will kick off Switzerland as fast as he can. He'll use this as an excuse, he needs to stop pretending he likes fancy wine and Emily-Gilmorized people."

"He has a point." I said jokingly. I imagined my mother crouched over the side of the tub, thoroughly enjoying all of the secrecy about my unborn child.

"You know, baby? I think I've found my style, I could easily quit the pop-tarts and the afternoons with Ellen DeGeneres, because damn, I'm sure I was Ingrid Bergman before."

"Yes, you were Ingrid Bergman, right!" I rolled my eyes.

"So what's wrong?" She asked me again after she finished chuckling.

"There's nothing wrong. Why do you think there's something wrong? I'm great, great is almost my new last name. Hey, did you know that Ingrid Bergman was crazy about butter cookies? We could totally ask Sookie to do some, or Luke, or…" I jabbered nonstop about these pointless things, letting my fake confidence slip until mom cut me off.

"Yeah, yeah, quit the fun fact moment and spit it out or this call will cost us all the butter cookies in the world."

"Okaaay" I whined, deflating. I drew in a long breath knowing that she wouldn't give up.

"I accidentally called Logan when I was about to call you. I hung up when I noticed, so he texted me. He is here, in Connecticut!"

I breathed sharply and closed my eyes. I paced back and forth waiting for some kind of cheerful insight coming from the wisest person I knew, but there was any. On the contrary, she guffawed.

"I'm sorry, do you think it's funny that your daughter is about to have a panic attack here?" I overreacted.

"I'm sorry, baby, but if you weren't pregnant right now, I would force you into some kind of Chinese torture and make you wipe his number off."

"Too late, I already memorized."

"Lobotomy is always an option, you know, we could take you to the shutter Island. Scorsese would love my motivations. Hey, do you think Megan Fox could play me on the future movie? Nobody could do it better, plus she matches my eyes, almost nobody would see the difference". Her daydreams made me chuckle a little, but still wrought with stress and worry, I interrupted her.

"Mom, I'm serious, what do you think I should do? Should I call him? Should I meet him and tell about the baby?" I buried my face in my hands. I started to feel my hands sweating and a shiver crawl up my body as the idea of finding Logan became real. My mind projected terrible scenarios and the anxiety took control of me.

"Well, Kiddo..." She said slowly. "If there's any chance for it to work out, just do it. Besides, you can't afford flight tickets to London right now, if you want him to know, now would be a good time."

"What if everything goes wrong?"

"Then you had free buffet. How many times you will have the opportunity of eating expensive food with unreasonable small portions again? Luke can't be the only one to provide you free food, you're a mother now!" I rolled my eyes at her endless, dry enthusiasm.

"Who else is providing you free food then, mom? Roberto Rossellini?"

"Mean!" She muttered.

I pondered her words. "You're right, you're totally right."

"Of course I'm right." She said, satisfied. "So what do you think you'll say to him?"

"I don't know. I'm totally freaking out here, mom, but I'll let you know".

"Fair enough, keep me informed. Oh, Luke and I are coming back at Friday."

"That's good, I miss you mom. Thanks for the support."

"Always, baby, and oh, Rory?"

"Yes."

"Nothing"

"Say it." I countered.

"I was going to tell you to use a condom if some hunky blonde suddenly seems irresistible, but I think it's too late for it now, you're already pregnant anyway."

"Wow that was unnecessary!" I rolled my eyes, regretting to have asked.

"Yeah, because he doesn't allure you at all, right?" She teased me.

I tried arguing against it, but nothing came in mind. My energy and creativity were zapped.

"I thought so. I have to go kiddo; don't forget to send me the news. Love you!" She said airily.

"Bye, mom."

I let myself drop like a dead body on the bed. My mind traveled in wayward thought, until I caught sight of an old jam spot on the ceiling. _How did that get there?_ I wondered. The spot has brought me heartwarming memories of old movies nights mom and I spent together. We were definitely something else together. I glanced at the phone once more to call Logan, but my stomach triggered the priority alert. The day seemed to have no end, but without coffee, it didn't feel like it had even started yet.

I dressed in the first thing I found and headed toward Luke's. Fall was coming to the end and I was already feeling the cold winter's wind ripping through my skin. I'd never intended to feel like a Game of thrones character before, but Winter definitely gave me some scary expectations.

As I walked in, everybody seemed to stop what they were doing and to stare right at me. I felt their eyes burning on my skin and silently shame punishing me, but I pretended to ignore it and sat down at the usual table. I could hear some whispering, but I focused on what I had to do. As soon as I opened my email, I spotted Paris's event confirmation. _Damn_! I cursed. Paris would be inaugurating her new clinic franchise in the next day. I'd promised her I would be there - except that was 2 months ago, and I completely forgot. I couldn't bail on Paris, she would kill me, and after that she'd give me the speech about how everybody was leaving her. That was way out of my plans, but now I'd have to make it happen.

I spent a long time immersed in my thoughts and suddenly something jumped within my consciousness. I hadn't realized how quiet the place was, until the thought had disturbed me and I decided to look sideways out of curiosity. Everybody quickly turned their eyes away and pretended not noticing me. I should have known that peace wouldn't be so easy to get around here, so I decided to confront Caesar and headed toward the counter. As soon as he saw me, Caesar became visibly uncomfortable and jumpy. I tried to gauge the look in his eyes, but he strayed as far as he could.

"Hey, Caesar, talk to me." I insisted, leaning my body over the kitchen counter.

"What are they saying about me?"

"Hi, Rory. I don't know - I swear I won't tell Luke, please don't tell him." His eyes were desperate and beady, pleading for something I didn't quite understand

"Tell him what?" I asked, confused.

"What?" He replied doubtfully.

"What I shouldn't tell Luke, Caesar?"

"I don't know…" He tried to deflect. "Coffee? I mean, can you drink coffee? Or... Why wouldn't you? Ugh, I don't know anything." He gabbled, words tumbling out of his mouth. I sighed, fed up.

"Fine!" I fumed. The conversation was totally pointless, so I glared in his direction and turned on my heels to storm out the dinner. Burning rage hissed through my body like deadly poison as I tried desperately to ward off negative thoughts. Right outside, my eyes caught Lane turning at the corner. I didn't think twice and ran in her direction ignoring everything around me. I knew my new tap-dancing habit wasn't exactly the definition of health life, but the pregnancy left me so exasperated that a simple run could bring me down.

"First of all, please hear me up." Lane got a little scared with the insane person jumping in front of her. She managed to stop, when she realized it was just me - her jerk friend. But was still avoided looking at me.

"Thanks, Lane. So can we please find a place to sit and talk?"

"What's wrong with right here?" She said, looking around the streets.

"People are staring at us." I whispered, paranoid.

"I can't see why." Lane replied sarcastically. She was pissed, but she did use it to her advantage. She sighed, showing acceptance. By the time she started talking again, my hopes were dangerously renewed that this would work.

We found a calm space at Stars Hollow's library. Lane kept her head down as we walked. Neither of us said anything. We had never been on such terms before; our friendship had never been truly shaken up, leaving me clueless about how to fix this.

"Listen, Lane. I know you're disappointed with what you heard this morning, but I wanted to say, I never meant to hide this from you." I warmed up. "I thought about tell you multiple times, but I was so lost and time slipped by so fast. I don't know what to do, and when I finally realized, we were here. I'm so sorry!" I choked and Lane made an effort to listen silently. "I was just so ashamed to let people know." My eyes were tearing up. I was trying desperately not to cry, least of all, sobbing! I could barely breathe. The truth was, I was angrier with myself more than anything else or anyone else

"Ashamed of what, Rory? Being pregnant? You are 32 years old! Why do you care so much about what people say?" She confronted me, challenging

Her words felt like a hard punch to my gut; they beat the crap out of me. I should've seen it coming, but I still refused to back down.

"I don't know." I spat sincerely. "This is not the person I struggled to be. I went to Chilton, made extra classes, summer jobs, lectures and everything you could imagine. I graduated from Yale, I was the editor of the paper and last year I wrote for the New York Times." I bit my lip to stop the tears.

"I know" She nodded quietly.

"I did everything right, I didn't party when I was a teenager, I was a 20 years old virgin for God sake. I was _the good kid…_ ", I emphasized the last words mimicking quotation marks. "…And I still ended up here, unemployed and pregnant like... "

"Like me?" Lane interjected, regarding me with deep, empty eyes.

"What?" I answered, embarrassed and incredulous.

"You mean like me. I am all those things you just said."

"No Lane, you don't understand…" I tried to explain myself, desperately. It was all going so wrong, so fast.

"No, I do understand you. I had dreams too, Rory. My mother deprived me of everything when I was a child. I couldn't hang out with friends, or talk to boys - not even going to the bed after 10! I thought I'd be free someday. Somehow, her crazy precepts were stuck in my head and I ended up getting married and pregnant. WITH TWINS! I've never traveled the world. My band did not take off. I never left here. I'm 32, working at my mom's store, sharing a place and empty dreams with an old a drum set, that almost doesn't fit my living room. "She blew out her pent up aggression and took a deep breath.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I was speechless. I was floored and suddenly overwhelmingly sad.

"Lane, I…" I gaped a few times before words started to form in my mouth, but she intervened.

"That's ok, Rory. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. My point here is life never happens exactly as we wanted it to. I'm sorry If you're not the successful journalist you wanted to be, I really am. I love you so much and I'll be there for you, plus you're still young, you still have time to be." She said gently, trying to comfort me, but I knew she was hurting as much as I was.

I never realized how selfish and self-absorbed I could be, I mused, and it was true. I was barely paying attention to the other people next to me, especially my friends. I was too busy going over my life with a fine toothed comb. My behavior embarrassed me, and I hoped that Lane wasn't aware of it, but I couldn't stop myself. The terrible thing about being too hard on yourself It's not knowing when to stop.

"Lane, I'm sorry. I never realized I was being a bad friend to you. You are so strong and I'm here, moaning about something I never had. I sound ridiculous." I buried my face in my hands, began rubbing my temples, no doubt going bright red in shame..

That was killing me from the inside out and I could tell she noticed. Her hand gently squeezed my shoulder for a minute, then she ran her fingers through the wet lines beginning to flow in the corner of my eyes.

"Don't say that, you're a great friend. We are different people, but I'm proud you want to succeed so bad. I've always believed in you and I still do. We are here to support each other, don't be so hard on yourself, you will figure this out."

She leaned toward me, offering her comfort and we hugged. I didn't know if I deserved Lane's affection, but that was the best I had in a long time. I was aware of how lucky I was to have those amazing people in my life.

"Did you tell Logan yet?" Was the first thing she said, after our comfortable silence.

"No" I answered, wiping the stray tears off my face.

"Why?"

"I was unsure; I think I'm better now. Maybe I will, but he's engaged. God this is a mess!" I reflected, rubbing my temples again.

"You mean like an abortion?" Lane's face showed amazement.

"Kind of, but my mom got knocked up when she was 16 and she had no regrets when she chose to love me. This is what I'm going to do too. I'll figure out all the Logan's mess later. Now I really should eat something, my baby can't be fed based on coffee and burgers, not like…"

"Not until he's 10 at least." She finished.

"You totally get me." I winked at her and she burst into a huge smile.

"You're going to be a great mom." She said. We chuckled and exchanged knowing nods.

"Come on!" Lane announced, taking me by the hand. "Let's go to my place and I'll cook the best teriyaki chicken you will ever taste."

"You cook now?" I was surprised.

"Yes! See? Being a mom has many advantages. No more donuts."

"Yeah…" I faked disdain mockingly, shaking my head.

I followed her with a big smile in my face, thinking how wonderful she really was and how relieved I felt to be on good terms with my friend again.

"Lane, wait." I said touching my phone in my pocket. She looked at me confused as I dialed the number I failed in erase from my mind.

"Please go ahead. There's something I have to do right now. I'll meet you there."

She got the message and didn't stop to ask any questions. Lane was my best friend, only a few glances were enough to tell each other everything.

I took a deep breath. The phone rang in my ear, but he didn't answer. I started to doubt if I was doing the right thing, with my stress increasing. When I heard his voice, a shiver ran down my spine.

"Rory?"

"Hi!"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes!" I sighed. "Listen, Logan... Can we meet?"

 **A/N:** I'm dying to know what you think. Come on, don't keep me hanging. :)


	4. Chapter 4 - The gifted child's paradox

**Disclaimer:** I don't own copyrights on the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** That's right! Another fresh and sweet chapter! This one is more relaxed, but I promise the next one will be HOT. Let's go!

* * *

CHAPTER 4: THE GIFTED CHILD'S PARADOX

* * *

Logan was speechless for a long time. I kept staring at him, waiting for a sign. He looked into my eyes, and I looked into his. He didn't blink. I looked down in confusion, too tired to hold my head up; I wondered what was going on in his mind.

"Logan, please say something." I pleaded, feeling the anguish inside of me rising up and swallowing me whole.

As I powerlessly waited, I saw someone approaching us out of the corner of my eye. The relief I'd felt in seeing someone join us dissipated in an instant when I realized who it was.

Mitchum Huntzberger was heading our way, taking the rest of my breath unpleasantly away. He wore a swanky suit and a bitter smile. I glanced over his face, still smoldering underneath his stony expression. His rage seemed pointless until he spoke. He referred to me as an ungrateful woman and used vile, nasty words to describe me.

I was appalled and offended; I kind of hoped it was a joke, although it wasn't. I looked at Logan, helpless, but he didn't seem to be there. Motionless and empty eyes stared back at me instead. I tried to run away, but my legs didn't obey me, then I realized — This didn't seem real. Blurry faces, meaningless words. Maybe I was dreaming.

I woke up, sweat clung to my hair and my shivering arms. I laughed in despair of my stupidity, relieved it was just a nightmare; _that wasn't real_ , I told myself, still calming down.

I checked the digital clock at my nightstand making sure I was reading the right time. The light of day was already inviting me to wake up, but I rolled sideways on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position. The pregnancy was giving me some serious trouble sleeping and I failed. Tired and frustrated to keep trying, I gave up and headed toward the kitchen.

Cooking was never my forte; I lacked in skills, experience and confidence, but making my own breakfast remembered me the homey smell of Logan's apartment in London and every morning that we woke up together. I smiled, pouring myself another cup of coffee.

I was almost late to meet Paris and I had to let those thoughts go. I opened the wardrobe looking for something harmless that could make Paris proud, respecting her self-confidence. I was getting used to wearing safer shoes to protect the baby. I decided that an average black dress and flats were good enough.

I climbed into my car and stuck the keys in the ignition, but I didn't turn them. I suddenly remembered the nightmare and felt the anxiety creeping back worse than before. I was terrified and being alone with my thoughts was driving me insane. I reached out the flip on the stereo and searched for something to keep my nerves calm. It was playing 'Summer Breeze' and my mind went away for a minute, slowing my breathing down.. That was working for me, so I turned the car on and hit the road. _How big will I be when summer arrives?_ I asked myself, feeling the cooling wind through my hair.

As I walked into the long salon, I was blown away by the beautiful decoration. The ceiling must have been twenty feet high and a huge red ribbon bow graced the door, making me imagine Paris dramatically cutting it off. Everything was faultless, but didn't reflect Paris at all. I expected to see her freaking out and taking everyone with her, but I almost couldn't believe in what I saw.

Paris paraded through the hall smiling adorably, not looking as she had time to worry about anything. I pinched myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

"Hi, Paris! Congratulations!" I hugged her. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around me, visibly uncomfortable with the human touch.

"Thanks! Is everything lovely, isn't?" she said shifting weight, motioning her arms around the place.

 _Lovely? Huh, maybe Paris learned this word recently with my grandma_. I concluded.

"Sure! Everything is beautiful." I nodded. "So… you look happy. Is just the event, or…?" I tried to dig deep for information about her real motive.

"Rory, please come a little closer." Paris said, leading me gracefully to her right side with a bright smile.

"See that blonde bitch needing a lower leg waxing treatment over there?" Paris pointed with her thumb.

"Uh-huh." I nodded.

"She's the social worker. Apparently, she's here to assess my mental state to raise a child and determine whether I can associate my work obligations with a healthy home for my kids." She whispered flippantly.

"Oh my God, Paris." I said, torn between incredulity and concern.

"This is bullshit, you know? That's why I'm letting these bunch of duffers ruin the napkins decoupage and match the drapers with the tablecloths." She whined, folding her arms.

"I'm so sorry, Paris. So are you and Doyle really getting a divorce? I thought it was just a phase. Is he asking for the sole custody?" I stroked her arm, feeling that she was trying to get a grip on herself, but was actually worried sick from inside.

"No, this is for the joint custody. Apparently, my workaholic fame has spread and I have to prove that I'm able to help raising the kids. They think I'll let the nanny do all the dirty work, which is bullshit because this exactly what Doyle will do, but what kind of mom would I be if I don't remotely fight to have the kids?"

"I understand." I replied, heartbroken for her

"The truth is, I can't keep up with them for five minutes, but society doesn't care if men do their full fatherhood's job as long as they don't have a criminal record like Kenneth John Freeman and pay their pension check on time." She continued. "We, women, are the one forced to prove that we can do everything with perfection." Paris said aggressively. "Don't have kids, Rory. HEY, don't put pins on the drapers. Excuse me!" Paris yelled at her subordinate and quickly composed herself. She left with the biggest half-hearted smile I've ever seen, leaving loose ends to her advice.

 _Great!_ I cursed. That was exactly what I needed to hear. At least the world was still in order, because Paris was still angry as hell.

The time flew quickly while I was pretending to be interested in chatting about surrogacy intermittently. Life was treacherous — some wishing the grace to be parents and others being blessed without the slightest intention. This day was kind of ironic, this paternity thing looked like a freaking epidemic.

Paris performed her great speech and declared her newest clinic opened, without losing the composure of the perfect mother in expensive Manolo heels. I'd venture to say she succeeded, scaring and plucking the joy away from less than 30% of the audience, which I considered a great evolution for her.

People left with their hearts full of hope, as I sat alone with my thoughts. The panic returned vigorously. I noticed Paris approaching and sitting by my side.

"Did you convince her to testify in your favor?" I asked, feeling her heavy breathing.

"Nah, I can't pretend for a long time." She muttered. "I'm surrounded by idiots!" She burst suddenly.

"I'm sorry, Paris." It was the only thing I could keep saying.

"That's okay. She probably needs something I can buy for her." Paris admitted, looking quieter than she should.

"You mean like a bribe?" I responded in disbelief, raising my eyebrows.

"Everybody has their price, Rory, that's why people work their asses of -, even if they are throwing their healthier and younger years away..

The conversation left me feeling depressed. I glanced at Paris and I saw an empty expression that looked overwhelmed, but still carried a strong internal desire for happiness. Her children certainly were part of the happy future she wished for herself. Seeing her falling apart like that gave me dangerous expectations about motherhood. Every day was a new lesson of how disappointed I could get with my future.

"Paris, do you think I'm a good friend to you?" I asked, remembering my last conversation with Lane.

"I don't know, Rory. You're my only voluntary friend. I don't have much to compare." Paris said, lulling back against the chair.

"Thanks, this is very encouraging to hear." I rolled my eyes.

A jazz-style song started to play in the background. The soft sound was so low that only the silence of our minds could hear it. We were two confused women, sitting next to each other in an almost empty hall, surrounded by solitude.

As much as we were very different, we were at very different stages of the same issue — I was trying to find myself with the imminence of being a mother. She was struggling with being one in a world where independent women must live with sexist social judgments. It was poetically disturbing.

"Paris," I turned towards her and said unceremoniously "I'm Pregnant!"

She smirked silently, not showing surprise.

"I figured out."

"How? Can you feel my pregnant air?" I replied jokingly.

"You're wearing a wide dress and comfortable shoes at a gala event, this is a sign that your feet are already getting swollen and killing you in every step you take. You refused free expensive alcoholic drinks while you're unemployed and you avoided seafood — which is ok — I couldn't stand it when I was pregnant too. You look tired and moody, sitting down most of the time, that is what couples do at social events. But you're single, adding that you're creepily running away from any mention of babies with possible genetic anomalies or malformations. You know, Rory, I suck in social skills but I have a flair of an American Staffordshire terrier on a good day, to uncover things".

I laughed myself to tears by hearing Paris reaffirming her Sherlock Holmes powers. I could learn how to laugh at myself in our situation, but I wasn't so sure if Paris could.

"Thanks for being my friend, Paris. You are something else." I said still recovering from the best laugh I had in weeks.

"So, who is the father?"

"Logan."

"Obviously." Paris let a humorless laugh scape.

"What is that supposed to mean? I asked with my narrowed eyes.

"Of course it's not _whats-his-faces_. I mean, there was no passion there. I wonder if you ever slept with that guy." Paris said dismissively.

"Hey!" I interjected. "Paul was a very nice guy." I tried to defend him, though the affirmation was very accurate.

"Of course he was. That's why he never knocked you up. Nice guys don't do that. Huntzbergers do!"

"You're crazy, you know?" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on, Rory. I saw the way you looked at each other at Yale's reunion. At first I thought it was just a horny reminder from the older days; after all, you have a nice ass in that white dress."

"Paris!" I denied her awkward compliment.

"You could never get over him, could you? I don't like to give credit to the American Hugh Grosvenor, but I'm very curious to know what arouses your hots for the guy. Is the sex amazing? Is he selfless down there?" Paris whispered leaning toward me hungrily.

I sighed. "Oh, Paris, I was finally getting rid of my nausea and you ruined everything in just a minute. Please don't do this, I have no emotional stability to talk about sex now or... you know… my butt". The words stumbled out of my mouth.

"Oh _Mary_ , you're pregnant and are still such a prude. What is the big deal? I told you details that I'm ashamed of about me and Doyle before."

"And I still curse you for that." I rectified.

She kept staring at me for an answer. I knew she wouldn't let go, and God I knew how annoying she could be when she couldn't get what she wanted.

"Fine!" I threw in the towel, trying to preserve my sanity. "It's not about the sex... only. Logan gets me. I used to feel comfortable with him, safe. Now I don't know anymore." I said, avoiding her judgmental eyes.

"Please, Rory. He just wanted to get into your pants and your uterus, as we can see now." She said, brushing my reasons off.

"You're wrong, you don't know him." I confronted her biased opinion.

"Oh, Rory my friend. I'm not exactly the Daniel Amen of the heart-to-heart stuff. You really know how to ruin a good talk." Paris said sarcastically, finally getting up from the chair and stretching herself.

"I don't have feelings for Logan." I answered quickly, trying to rebut her brief insinuation.

"You can keep lying to yourself." She replied. It was something that shouldn't piss me off, but definitely did.

"That's why you don't have friends." I rebutted, pointing my finger to her.

"I don't need new friends, I have you." She gave me an affectionate look that I was able to recognize in Paris only a few times.

"Yes, you do." I melted. "I can't decide if that was good or bad though." I said mockingly. Paris's gaze immediately disappeared from her face in an allusion to her total lack of sense of humor. I laughed inwardly.

"I'm kidding!" I said, calling a truce and giving her a rib crush hug. The good moment didn't make the it more comfortable. After all, she was still Paris.

"Oh, your hair smells good. Are you using Doyle's shampoo?" A creepy thought leaked from her mouth. Why was she thinking about Doyle while she hugged me? I wondered.

"You need to get laid, my friend." I remarked, embarrassed.

"I know, but the odds are between the pool cleaner and the Tuesday night pizza delivery boy. This isn't helpful for an almost mature woman needs." Paris contemplated her options.

"This is my cue. " I grabbed my purse and slipped my coat on, certain that there wasn't no more room for infamous, disturbing statements.

Although the trip back seemed like an eternity, I managed to face it without major problems. When checking my messages, nothing appeared. Maybe the world was starting to forget me already.

I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes for a little while, kicking the shoes off. Paris was right. My feet were killing me, I wondered how much more I would have to put up with. While I unconsciously groaned, I heard a familiar ring on my cell phone. My heart beat inside my chest like a drum, punching me in the gut. I had no reasons to believe it was from whom I was thinking of, but something told me I was right. And I was.

 _"Hey. Are you busy?"_ Was the message.

I knew I didn't want to blow him off again. Not this time.

 _"Not now."_ I stared at the phone for what seemed like forever before he texted me back, despite it only took a few seconds.

 _"I want to ask you something. It's special; I think you will like it."_ He replied.

 _"Mysterious! Now I can't wait for our meeting tomorrow."_

 _Oh no!_ I slapped my forehead. I talked like a dumb girl with moony eyes. _Damn it!_ I cursed. I stood there, paranoid, my mind reeling every time I thought about his reaction. However, the phone rang out, too fast for the moment to last.

 _"Tomorrow? What about right now?"_

 **A/N:** I'm studying to read minds, but it looks like I'm going to fail this semester. Meanwhile, tell me what you're thinking.


	5. Chapter 5: The road not taken

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

This chapter contains references to the song "Be My Downfall" by Del Amitri.

 **A/N:** Chapter 5, yay! Let's feed some _lovers_ hearts. Literally...

* * *

CHAPTER 5: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

* * *

I have always enjoyed observing human relationships. When I was younger, I was so shy, sometimes living like an observer in my own mind. I spent my time with my nose in books that showed me a world that felt so much more real than my own.

I never realized the urge to feel alive until I left home to move to Yale. That's when a very different world appeared, similar to the books showed itself to my eyes. When I was with Logan, I could live those two worlds simtaneously — reality and the great fantasy. It was dangerous, but made me feel alive, like I was being charged with electricity and nothing could take this feeling away.

I looked at the clock trying to determine if it could move slower. There were times when it was ticking and times when it seemed to have stopped.

I knew that anytime a car would stop at my door; giving me no time to think, just feel. This was quite the opposite of everything I was. I didn't know what to expect from this meeting today, but coming from him, I knew it would be unforgettable. The anticipation feeling made me dizzy as much as it made me excited. Logan thought he had something important to tell me, but I had something much bigger, and I needed to be prepared for it.

After my shower, Paris's words stuck in my head once again, so I slipped into a nice mid-Length white dress. I had doubts that he would remember, but I picked it without even thinking twice.

The smell of perfume made me sick lately, but I put it on anyway. I was ready. The outfit was well put together, just as my speech would be. I rehearsed everything I wanted to say; like lines in a play on the opening night, imagining every possible retort he could make, good or bad.

As I passed them on, I heard a noise outside, accompanied by high headlights. My heart palpitated in my throat when I broke open the window, discovering a limo waiting for me. _I should've known_. I told myself, recognizing his moves.

As I left the car, I could really start to feel those great big butterflies in my tummy. Frank was standing there, waiting for me with the door opened. I slid across the seatand a smile illuminated my face, as soon as I heard that familiar deep voice. He was there, staring at me with that vivid brown gaze, making my skin tingle or the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I could feel his familiar scent taking over the place and clinging to my skin. It seemed as real as I could remember, and that particular smell couldn't never make me feel nauseated. His eyes were as dark as the night sky and, when he smiled, the stars shined.

"Hi, Ace." He said, reaching for my hands and kissing it softly without breaking eye contact. I felt a shiver running through my body from top to bottom when his lips touched my skin, but I disguised it well.

"Hi!" I answered, trying to play it cool. It was a strange thing to do after the sheer extravagance of his welcome.

An awkward silence stood in the air for a moment, filled up with charged energy arousing between us, until I added.

"So, I've heard you have I very special thing to tell me." I said, recomposing myself.

"Yes. I must say I was very surprised by your call." He said, adjusting the cuff of his perfectly fitted suit with a smirk on his face.

"A good surprise or an _I forgot to turn off the alarm on Sunday_ surprise?" I answered, trying to relax from the conversation, but still sounded tense.

Logan smiled with his mysterious gaze sliding over me. I didn't want to stare but my eyes kept flicking to his, making me fail in every attempt to not blush.

"A good one, absolutely!" He replied, giggling at me.

We kept staring intently at each other, saying nothing as we held each the gaze. Moments like this made me wish we could just be honest about us, but there was no room for that.

The moment was interrupted when the car slowed down to a stop.

"Where are we going?" I asked, leaning over to peek out the window.

Logan took me by the hand and we left the car, leading me towards a building, that apparentely was closed.

"Seriously, Logan. Where are we going?" I insisted, but he wasn't willing to say anything before I could see with my own eyes. Logan used to drive me insane everytime he acted like that, and he knew it. We climbed the long stairs, leaving me exhausted. To my surprise, there was a helicopter waiting on a helipad at the far end of the roof. A metal catwalk led from the small entryway to the roof and stairs leading up to the vehicle.

"I don't understand!" I exclaimed, hesitating to get in.

"Do you trust me?" He said, stretching out his hands, waiting for mine.

"Logan, you don't understand" I paused. "I have a meeting with the publisher to discuss the release of my book. I can't stay the night away, we can't just fly to God knows where you want me to go." I screamed against the sound of the engine deafening us.

Logan kept staring at me, still waiting to take my hands. He seemed to be hearing nothing of what I was saying and smiled at every word of despair I uttered against the idea of leaving. I tried dearly to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't change his mind.

I got in the helicopter, cursing Logan inside as the city was getting farther and farther away. I felt annoyed by his arrogance. Furthermore, I realized that he always made me feel that way. _Who the hell he thinks he is? Messing up with my plans like that?_ I inquired.

Logan remained silent and composed. No sign of regret creased his face; instead, he held a smug smile on his lips as his fixed eyes penetrated my skin. I avoided asking new questions, seemed pointless and tiring. I couldn't keep my anger for long, so I surrendered to curiosity.

What Logan didn't know, was that flying pregnant for a couple of hours really made me sulky and tired until we landed.

The helicopter landed on the roof, near the garage. Two employees jumped out, running toward the entrance and helping me to get off. Logan reached into his pockets and pulled out a familiar object that made me shrink. We were where he wanted us to be — at the house he offered me to write the book, In Maine.

When I walked into the house, I couldn't believe my eyes. There was an outside garden with natural grey stone with all the hues Mother Nature could provide. The paintwork on the trim was brilliant white, flawless and the path wound to a double oak front door was loose pea shingle. The floors were polished boards and the furniture Scandinavian, high-end designers only. A comfort sheepskin on the floor caught my attention, so clean it was hard to believe anyone had ever stepped foot on it. The only mess was the wet footprints I had tracked in on the shoes I forgot to remove.

I started to notice the little details and nothing seemed like a last-minute idea. The table was served with dinner for two. The fireplace was lit and the dance of the flames mesmerized me, next there were folded blankets available.

"Wow! Did you plan all this?" I asked, unsure if I liked it.

"Yes." He affirmed, sinking his hands into his pockets as he approaching the table slowly with a gentle smile.

"How did you know I'd come here?" I confronted him.

Logan sighed and smirked a bit. "I didn't, I just hoped you would say yes." He said coming closer to me. He was cautious, but not overly so.

"Well, I haven't say yes. You kind of made me." I said, playfully smacking his arm.

"But tell me if it wasn't fun." He replied, accidentally bumping into my fingers. The air seemed to be softening among us, even so, when our hands touched, we both jumped away. We tried to disguise what was happening there, but anybody could tell what we both were thinking.

As we walked toward the dinner table, Logan picked up the wine bottle and poured the liquid into his glass, moving to fill mine next.

"No!" I overreacted, causing him to jump and nearly drop the bottle.

"What was that?" He questioned me, narrowing his eyes.

I tried to think fast, but my mind went blank.

"I'm on medicines, so I can't take any alcohol." I said, staring at my feet. The words were tripping over each other to get out. Logan just looked suspiciously at me.

"Geez, you look weird today." Logan jestered and chuckled, cleaning the drips of wine on the floor.

"Yeah, I don't know what's going on with me lately." I finished, running out of things to say.

 _That was embarrassing!_ I thought. I could sense that Logan knew something was seriously wrong there, but let it slide. I tried to make myself comfortable while his eyes watched me, but I couldn't. I knew that the knot in my stomach and the crippling fear wasn't founded on anything going on at that moment. I knew what I had to do to make it stop.

"Does this sauce have any alcohol?" I asked, pretending to be nonchalant.

"No, Rory. Why are you so obsessed about this?" Logan enquired, visibly bothered with my concearn.

"Nothing! It's nothing…" I paused. "I'm sorry, I'm just taking this treatment very seriously. I need to be healthier than ever." Lying was starting to get easier.

If my senses weren't so sharp, I would miss Logan's reaction to my last words. I could see that talking about the book struck him somehow and his tense countenance was back on his face.

"Look, Rory. I'm going to cut straight to the chase." Logan pronounced, leaving me staring at him, expectantly.

"Since the last time we met, I was under the impression that we didn't reach our connection potential. " He said flippantly. "I was a little disappointed when you declined my offer, but I knew I should give you your own space."

"Okay…" I listened cautiously, trying to figure out what was his point.

"I found out through an associate that a small publisher was planning to release your work in some domestic bookstores. I received a copy of the first five chapters and it's everything I imagined you could do. Your potential should be explored all over the world, not only in 3 states, so I took the initiative and I made a few calls to discuss the possibility of your book being translated immediately to 4 different languages and be released in 17 countries."

Logan stared at me, waiting for me to understand. I was shocked that he'd managed to do all those things without my consent, but at the same time impressed.

"I know you didn't ask me to do this, I apologize in advance if I'm offending you, I know you're independent and you don't like favors, I promise this is just an opportunity, and will not bring you any obligations. The material aroused enough attention by itself, it just needed to be in the right hands. "

"Logan, I…" I tried to formulate the first sentence and nothing came out. Realizing my discomfort, he stepped forward.

"Look, you are completely free to refuse it if you don't feel comfortable enough. No hard feelings, I promise. Althought I wish you could think fondly about it and take this as my personal gift. That's the least I can do." He argued, pleading in his eyes.

At some point, I felt like a hole was being drilled through my head. I couldn't understand what that feeling was and where it was coming from. I was somewhat disappointed by what he had said. _That's it?_ Did he bring me here to talk about the book? I felt mortified and nervously attempted to laugh at myself, but I was too pretrified to do so.

"Rory?" He said meekly, interrupting my reveries.

"What?" I said distractedly. I didn't know how long I was speechless, but the solid answer that Logan seemed so eager to hear, wasn't still there.

"What do you say?" Logan piped up.

"Oh! ... Thanks?" I answered insecurely.

"That's it?" Logan squinted, leaking a bewildered laugh.

"Well, you took me aback. I wasn't expecting any of this at all, the helicopter ride, the dinner; I thought you were bringing me here to..."

"You thought what?" Logan interrupted me, almost completing my reasoning.

 _Oh no_ , I think I said something out of place. Did I just hinted that I thought he brought me here for something like ... a date? _Oh shit!_ That's exactly what I said indirectly.

"I though you were bringing me here to talk about your wedding." I regreted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

His countenance turned to whiteness and the muscles of his face stiffened. His eyes stretched wide open, glared as if something sour touched his lips. He clearly didn't feel the urge to talk about Odette in front of me.

"Rory, why would I bring you here to talk about _this_?" Logan placed his elbows on the table and rested his lips against on his clasped hands.

"I don't know, are you still getting married, aren't you?" I rebutted.

Logan was silent for a moment as he digested my words. He gulped down another sip of his wine and then spoke up, eyes downcast. "Yes…"

I hardened my words, trying to sound confident about it, but I realized their power didn't soften over time. Hearing that Logan intended to marry another woman was a sucker punch in the stomach.

Last week I saw her picture, attending a charity ball. I searched for flaws that could make me feel better. She never done anything to me — on the contrary — I was the wrong one, but there was something about her that made me feel feeble and powerless, despite the shame of carrying the baby of the man she would marry.

Thinking about how Logan was really sharing a bed with her, making plans and living the life I imagined for us, hurt so badly. I couldn't get rid of this feeling, no matter how awfult it sounded.

We stayed in silence for a while.

"Rory, what you want me to do?" Logan required an explanation.

"How am I supposed to want anything from you, Logan?" God knew how badly I wanted, but I was completely alone in that space.

"I proposed to you." Logan said, lost and confused.

His words made me cringe. He knew what to say to make me feel even guiltier. There had to be a way to explain myself without sounding incriminating, but we never talk about the past before and that wasn't in my script.

We never clarifiedour feelings. That day, Logan walked away on me and I thought that it would be it. My heart was full and I shed tears because I had overcome some of my biggest trials without him by my side; although the roads were bumpy, I persisted to move on with my life. No one will ever know how hard that was for me. When we ran to each other again, he always knew how to get me back. I tried to bury the memory deep in the dark places of my mind, that I convinced myself it would never surfaced again if I pretended so. I knew it would not work eventually. Me and Logan? What we were doing… I knew this was about to come.

"Why are you saying this right now?" I ran my hands over my face, wishing to plug my ears so tight that words couldn't reach it.

"Because... Why are you so upset about my engagement, Rory? You were the one that refused to marry me; you were the one remembering we weren't together. Do you expect me to wait forever until you figure it out what you want?" Logan rose from his chair and I watched him turn his back on me and stride away through the room.

There was a mirror in front of his face reflecting his stern look, back to me. I could feel tears springing up behind my closed eyelids and chills on my arm. Suddenly our eyes met throught the mirror and I knew he could read my soul, broken.

"Logan..." I whispered. "Do you love her?" He turned around to me. There was pain in his face, but also a determination that I once relied on.

"It's the right thing to do." He replied, pointedly.

"That's not what I asked you. I thought you were the guy who would break this chain, like you did before. Why did you gave in?" I began to question him without knowing when to stop.

"My father has cancer!" Logan snorted, interjecting.

My face turned deathly pale and I was helpless.

He took in a sharp breath and spoke. "My father has cancer and he isn't interested in getting a treatment. He is choosing to die, Rory." Logan drove his hands into his pockets, looking down at his feet, and shrugged, reflecting, I guessed. I was doing the same thing, hoping that there would be some explanation for what was going on, but I got any.

"So, you're doing this for him? Will you accept the life you never wanted?"

"My family built this business from nothing, by working hard and risking everything; I can't be just the boy who fights with his dad anymore." He was agitated, the feeling of conflict visibly lingering in his eyes. "I can't be the guy living in the past, making memories that can't save my father's life. I'm not this guy anymore, Rory. I'm not trapped on the Yale me. I chose to embrace this; there's nothing wrong in being the man who will take my family's name ahead and ruling the business the best way I can." He continued. "I'm marrying Odette because is for the best. We have stronger connections together, facilities and profitable partnerships to explore." Logan repeated the words as if he was trying to convince himself.

"I get it; you're choosing a life without love, just like he did." My words pinched him and we lock our eyes in a deadly gaze. I started to speak with my heart to him, pursuing his eyes, trying to touch him with my words, but he kept running away from them.

"I chose love with you once, Rory, and my heart got broken." The words trembled in his mouth.

"I was ready to be everything you're saying, but you weren't. And I get it. You did the right choice for yourself, your career. I never blamed you for it, but I worked very hard to be the one you would choose, to deserve a girl like you, but I failed anyway. So what has _love_ done for me, Rory?" He asked rhetorically, opening his arms sarcasrtically in disbelief.

His words were spoken very quietly but more harshly than he had intended. And when he saw a look of hurt flash across my eyes, he decided to try again. I know he didn't want to throw his words back in my face, but I didn't want to believe in them either. I watched Logan shut his eyes for a second, desperatedly trying to clear his mind.

"This went wrong." He tried to rectify himself.

"This isn't fair! So this is entirely my fault, Logan?" I asked torned between incredulity and derision. "I said no to your avocado tree and suddenly I'm the bitch who threw your gold heart away and condemned you to a life without love? Couldn't you make another decision because of me?" I shrieked, my cheeks burning.

"That's not what I'm saying. This is totally on me, but I changed, Rory. What I am today isn't your fault, it's my choice. You made your career the priority, so did I. I learned the tough way. You can't have me under your spell and pretend everything is still the same, _we aren't_. We have a baggage, how can you ignore this as if it never happened? I wanted to marry you, build a life with you, but you didn't want the same, so I moved on." Logan said, trying to soften his voice.

I wanted to break down and cry, there was too much raw pain inside me to be contained. Like my spirit needed to break loose from my skin, desperate to release my emotions on the world. Logan's soothing words made no difference at all. I was beyond all reason, beyond all natural methods of calming, but I wasn't ready to be a victim, or a villain, so I responded. Logan would listen to me.

"You know, there's something off with that little speech of yours. If you moved on, why did you get involved with me again? Don't try to put me as the person who is dragging you into misery and forcing you to make mistakes, like everything was too damn easy for me. My life is falling apart, Logan. You have no idea. You enjoyed being with me, you made love to me every night without thinking of her because you wanted to. Don't treat me like the poison that has never given you another option." I shouted.

"I didn't want to accept that we had an expiration date and made crap choices. I admit it. Do you think I'm proud of this? Do you think I'm the person I wish I was? You never told me what you wanted; you didn't give me a space in your life. You're accusing me of leaving you for someone else, but have you forgotten that you also had someone else?" Logan cracked a nervous smile on his face, annoyed by my words.

"You never said you wanted to, Logan. How am I supposed to know? You're a man about to _marry_ , how do you think it's the same thing? You were cheating on your fiancée, deliberately cheating. " I spoke while anger was taking over me.

"You're not as different from me as you think, Rory. You're not just a small town girl and I didn't do that to you either. You also did things because you wanted it; I think it's time to stop pretending that we're nobler than we really are." Logan said, resting his hands on his hips and giving me a wry smile. He looked tired and occasionally absent, as if he was bored, tired of standing there. He was fed up by that conversation. So was I.

"Fine! I don't need this." My stomach was churning, my throat was aching, and I was losing control. He looked at me in surprise, struggling to understand exactly how the mood drastically changed so.

"Rory…" He tried.

"I can't talk to you; I can't count on you, you only act like you care, but you don't. You abandoned me, Logan. You have a family now and I have nothing." I snapped.

"That's not true." He argued.

"Stop it!" I yelled with all the strength of my chest.

He was devastated, but not by me. I silently countered. I thought I saw regret on his face, a hint of something else as well. Whatever it was, I didn't recognize that emotion in his eyes before. He walked toward me, leaving the differences aside and ignoring the heavy words we uttered to each other.

I didn't want to be touched, so I slapped my hands against his chest repetedly, trying to push him away. Logan protected himself and grabbed hold of me by the wrists. I kept pathetically pushing to release my hands histerically, but his physical strength was greater than mine was. I knew I couldn't put myself together emotionally if he held me, but the tiredness overcame me. Logan noticed my fading strength and carefully lowered my wrists. He pulled me by the waist and hugged me cozily, running his hands through my hair. Then he touched my face and leaned closer.

He kissed me between the eyebrows and on the tip of my nose, carefully stroking my arms. We held each other firmly, intimately, and then I rested my head on his shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his body, and the tears started to stream down the sides of my face. I cried silently for an indeterminate time, but we both knew what was going on. Logan kept holding me silently, but wiping my tears away.

"Rory, I'm sorry for saying all those things. If I could take it back, I would. I don't want to hurt you, I never wanted to. I know we're in a gray area here, but nothing has changed in how I feel about you. I'm still by your side. If you have something to tell me or if you need something, the only thing you have to do is say the words." Logan said looking me in the eyes while holding my hands.

I knew what I wanted to say, but it could never work. He was still getting married, I wasn't the priority, neither my baby. I didn't want to feel this pain and I decided I didn't have to.

"We're not friends." I said, trying to divert my eyes from his face perfectly illuminated by the moonlight entering through the window.

He led my face back to his gaze, cupping my chin.

"We're more than just friends. We'll always be." He said pointedly, making my heart tremble.

We remained involved in a fervent undescribable gaze, the air between us was getting thinner and our lips were dangerously approaching. It was like a poison that could easily ruin me, but I still wanted to drink it. In a moment of lucidity, Logan came to his senses and stopped what was about to happen, dispersing us.

"Logan, I want to go home." I decided firmly, not seeing any possibility of staying together any longer without any further regrets, whatever they might be.

"The pilot will come back in the morning. It's 5-hour drive!" Logan muttered.

I stared at him, already declaring what I wanted more. Logan got it, taking his coat and mine. We walked toward the garage, where an old white Chevrolet Corvette, which seemed to have come out from a 60's movie, awaited us. He was taking me home with no questions asked.

I slept through most part of the way, waking up in Connecticut. The cold weather was still raging outside, but the sun would start to rise very soon. We were driving in the dark, apprehensive at not being able to see almost anything in front of our eyes. The end of the road seemed torrid and unexpected as well as my future. The ride back was filled with a palpable silence, broken only by the sounds of the country whizzing past the windows and the return to the bright lights. The only radio station working there was playing old 90's songs, in which a graceful flowing melody invaded our ears.

 _"The bus is pulling out and I guess I'd better go  
Before I make a grave mistake and let my feelings show  
And twenty miles away she waits alone for me  
But when I try to picture her you're the one I see  
And in another situation I could put up a fight  
But you will be my downfall tonight  
So the night is coming down, drowning us in blue  
And it all points towards the things we know we shouldn't do  
And as I look at you and I fall under your spell  
Well I know I should be thinking of her lying there herself  
And when faced with temptation you know a man should stand and fight  
But you will be my downfall tonight  
Be my downfall be my great regret be the one girl  
That I'll never forget  
Be my undoing be my slow road to ruin tonight  
So the bus is pulling out and Im grounded here with you  
And I want to say the sweet things babe I've always wanted to  
So tell me now the tail-lights have gone out of sight  
Baby wont you be my downfall...  
...once again tonight."_

The lyrics hit our ears and I blushed in shame. The music seemed to point to our sins, as if it were secretly judging us. I kept glancing at him, trying to catch any reaction, wanting to know what he was thinking that he was constantly biting his lips and trying to hide behind his mysterious face.

I was biting the inside of my cheek, trying to keep myself from speaking, from asking anything or from starting to accuse him of anything, all of which would surely lead to an argument. The car was no place for that. I wasn't crazy, there was something going on there. I never intended to justify our mistakes, but that I could only share with Logan. I wish we hadn't hurt so many people on the way, but I lost all my sanity. I couldn't defend myself, but I should forgive myself.

"Rory?" He broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Just promise me you'll take my offer, so I can be in peace". He pleaded.

"I promise." I agreed.

"Thanks! And about what I said before we left, never doubt it." He reinforced and I just nodded.

I wasn't sure how I felt. I needed more time, at least until the dust settled. Part of me didn't want to tell him, afraid of losing what was left between us. I knew it wasn't enough, maybe I was willing to accept the crumbs dropped or thrown at me, but losing gradually would be less painful. The other part shouted that this was a bad idea.

The car pulled down and stationed in front of my house. I looked around, trying to find the locals who might be watching me, but there wasn't any.

"So… Is this a second good bye?" I asked sheepshily.

"Only if you want it to be." He said flustered, glancing at me. Logan looked exhausted, but never complained.

"Good bye, Logan." I said, leaning toward him and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Even though it felt completely innocent, my face didn't know the difference when we touched again.

When I was about to leave the car, he held my hand and spoke again, making me turn around.

"You know, you have a phone. Use it." He suggested.

"I'll remember that." I assured him, unsure if I really should.

"Just say the words." He murmured crytically, but I had a pretty good idea.

I liked to believe deep down he was still waiting for me despite our differences, but Logan was like a dangerous roller coaster. And I wasn't sure if I could ride it anymore.

"I promise." I said solemnly, touching his hands with mine and bringing them down to my lap.

We stared at each other one more time, across a narrow space that was full of danger that almost seemed to roar.

"You look good in this dress, you know?" He said lastly, with his signature smirk, his eyes scanning my body.

"Thanks!" I couldn't help it but swoon inside. Damn you, smart-ass Paris. I cursed.

If that would be the last time I saw Logan, I was happy to save his last image with a smile. I left the car and walked home with a heartache. I tried not to look back, watching Logan leaving my life once more, confused with the choice I just have made.

When I opened the door, the house was utterly different. My mother and Luke wouldn't be back until Saturday, then I shivered as I turned to the living room, spotting what looked like half the city standing there around my house

A white banner with red letters hung over the doorway, highlighting my silent unwanted guests, who acted as if something terrible had just happened.

"What is this?" I questioned earnestly, even if it was already clear.

Kirk stepped in and announced. "Rory, this is an intervention."

 **A/N:** Yes, I'm evil. You didn't think it would be that easy, right? Take this energy to leave me a review! :)


	6. Chapter 6 - Keep your phone line busy

**Disclaimer:** I don't own copyrights on the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** A short but essential chapter. I know is cheesy, but you know what they say about perfumes, right? Consider it one!

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CHAPTER 6 – KEEP YOUR PHONE LINE BUSY

* * *

Crowded. Wherever I went, I was in the wrong place. I was starting to get used with the idea of never being alone anymore, and believe me, the baby was the one who threatened my individuality the least.

I remembered once being on Obama's campaign trail and seeing crowds gathering to follow their candidates with the greatest devotion I've ever seen. Being in agitated crowds had always awakened the worst senses of vertigo in me. Anxiety, the urge to flee and the need to build a silence of my own. It was funny to remember how millions of people had surrounded me, but no big crowd could be like this one — Stars Hollow.

Sometimes I wondered how a city with such a small population could be more invasive than an entire nation. Don't get me wrong, I loved Stars Hollow, but I'd like to find out where the limit of privacy was.

Luckily, one thing I learned unrelentingly; was to make my mind take off in situations of big disinterest. This was one of those moments. I watched many people with their carefully folded papers, bringing to the world their opinions about my life. It was ridiculous how much time people could waste doing pointless things.

It was like a comedy show, I couldn't decide whether to be upset or laugh at such disbelief, but since I was here, I used that time to make my own observations: Ms. Patty has lost so much weight that I could see the entrance to her clavicles. Babette had cut her bangs last week but the parched tips were still apparent. Gipsy was trying to learn how to cook, but her greasy nails make her an unwelcome culinary guest. Kirk's gray hair aged him twice as fast.

Reflecting about it whilst I was being morally lynched, I realized that we all had mean things to say, but deciding to say it would define what kind of person you wanted to be. I chose not to comment, but many people were comfortable to do it.

"RORY!" Taylor interjected on my personal insight.

"What?" I answered, bringing my consciousness back to my body.

"Are you even listening what we are saying?" Taylor confronted me, as if I were on the Doose's black list of defaulters.

I never wanted to preserve the image of the sweet girl they wanted me to be, pretending that I didn't have the same negative emotions that everyone else's.

"No, I'm not." I said, unconcerned.

Taylor's eyes widened; he never expected an answer like that coming from my angelical face. He seemed insulted by the answer. But he was lucky that I was so patient, Luke would have already swept him away from the house.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I'm tired and sleepy, I just want to take a shower and a nap, please, if you guys could leave me alone."

"Rory, we're here to help you, to make you see things with clarity, Lorelai isn't here, baby, let us help you." Ms. Patty argued, trying to convince me that I needed to be saved.

"But that's what I'm trying to say!" I exclaimed. "There's nothing you can do to help me. Yes, I'm pregnant, but It's not like I have some Ebola virus that can infect your life. So, if you excuse me, I really need to..."

"This isn't right in God's eyes" Ms. Kim interrupted, drawing my attention.

"What isn't right, Ms. Kim?" I rolled my eyes.

"Having a baby from a profane carnal relationship without the Lord's consent." She reproached me, pointing to my belly with her chin.

"Oh, really? Therefore, I'm the antichrist indeed, Ms. Kim. I was born and now I am progenitor without God's permission. I wonder how my baby's cursed energy will arouse a black luck cloud of bad in Stars Hollow. Don't let Steve and Kwan play with this little disintegrator." I said sarcastically.

Ms. Kim stormed out the door before I could finish my speech. Great! Maybe she really believed I was giving birth to Satan's child. The rest of the townies were still standing in my house, shocked at my violent verbal outburst.

"What?" I questioned, losing what was left of my patience.

"I'm going to call a town's meeting this week to discuss your new attitude, young girl" Taylor raged, as if I needed a third father.

"I'm not the young girl anymore, Taylor. I don't need a babysitter whenever my parents leave the house, so just stop acting like I do." I assured him.

My eyes wandered over the familiar faces that looked at me with disappointment, and then I spotted Caesar shrunk with fright.

"And you, Caesar" I pointed my forefinger at him. "Now I get it! You were the one who lent the house's key to Taylor. In case you're wondering — Yes, I'll tell Luke and he will never forgive you for working with Taylor behind his back." I threatened.

Caesar seemed to be about to shit his pants, his eyes begging desperately.

"Now please, everybody out!" I finished, turning my back on them and retracing my steps towards the bathroom.

Everybody started to leave the house whispering behind my back, exactly as I imagined.

"You can't hang out with the 30 something's gang anymore!" Someone yelled from a middle section of the crowd.

"Fine!" I shouted it back at the top of my voice, ignoring their faces. One less annoying thing in my life.

I dropped my white dress on the floor and then I soaked in the bathtub, relaxed. I wanted to wipe away Logan's image for now and I couldn't do it as long I was wearing this. The last thing I remembered was crashing out in my bed.

Over the next few days, I met with the publisher that he had set me up with. Negotiations were moving fast, and I already had a contract. Remembering that Mom would arrive that morning, I woke up excited. I missed her so badly, and I knew I could take that loneliness away when I lay on her lap again.

I drove to the airport to pick them up, arriving a little earlier. My smile brightened when I saw Mom looking so radiant with her European glow. Luke, however, looked grumpier than before, but as soon as they saw me, his mood seemed to change.

He held a confused look, interspersed with concern, and hold me as if I had been sentenced to death. He knew. Luke released me from his arms without a word and moved carrying his bags. I exchanged a quick glance with mom and there was the confirmation in her eyes.

"How?" I asked, wondering how the news had come to him.

"Caesar called yesterday begging for Luke to forgive him. You scared him to death, Kiddo." Mom said, reporting me.

"Great!" I bemoaned. "The town hates me, mom, I can't shopping, I can't have dinner, or coffee. I have to cover my own back to protect myself from their judgment. The town is rejecting me; it's just a matter of time before I get spit out from here." I barked, finally managing to blow off steam.

Lorelai wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. "Calm down, hon. Everything is going to be fine!" She assured me and I could feel her patting my back affirmatively.

"Luke... He is sad, isn't he?" I asked as we walked together.

"No, baby. You know Luke. He's not very good with words, but I'm sure he's supporting you. The city is too, they just..." Lorelai paused to think of softer words. "They just don't know how to do it. Let's think this way." She said, letting a half-hearted smile scape her mouth.

The ride back was very chatty, with mom talking nonstop about the trip. Luke, on the other hand, didn't seem to put up with the talk that surrounded him anymore; I couldn't avoid thinking that part of his discomfort was due to my pregnancy.

As we arrived, Phillip, the publisher guy, had sent me a message, catching my attention immediately. We had a date — in three weeks, my book would be released worldwide and a panic started to settle deep in my gut. 17 countries! It was a lot of responsibility for a beginner. I was thrilled, but scared.

Although I was nervous, I was happy that people recognized my talent and enjoyed my work. I sat at the couch and let the happiness soak right into my bones. I wanted the feeling to stay there until I got old, so I let the silly smile stay stained upon my lips, until it caught my mother's attention.

"What?" She asked, smiling with almost a child-like glee, and with a sarcastic chipper voice, she continued. "Did you find out that cancelling the Muppets was the worst mistake of mankind?"

"Seriously? The European museums have not taught you anything about the worst mistakes of humanity?" I frowned, folding my arms mockingly.

"Oh, don't you dare deny Kermit, the frog now." She feigned accusation. "Your Hollywood walk of fame's photo doesn't lie." She said, pointing to the photo album on the shelf.

"Alright, mom." I whined, rolling my eyes. "I'm not laughing because a 60-year-old show was uncancelled." Lorelai sat next to me, listening carefully. "Go on!" She commanded, motioning her finger.

"The publisher just confirmed that my book will be released in 17 countries, in three weeks." I announced, joy overflowing me.

"Wow! This is huge!" Lorelai went hysterical with excitement.

She opened her arms for a hug, and I gladly stepped in. When we came apart, the wide smile on her face died in a few seconds, suddenly realization downed on her.

"Wait a minute." Lorelai reflected, the lightbulb going off her head.

"What?" I replied, unable to understand the reason for the sudden bucket of cold water.

"It was Logan, right? He was the one who got the opportunity for you?" She looked at me suspiciously.

"Yes ..." The grin on my face withered like grass.

"Rory, did he offer you an opportunity in exchange for his responsibilities with the baby? Because if he did, I'm going back to Europe at this very moment and I'll hunt him to death and put those bearskin hats right up his..." She threatened, with a Machiavellian look resulting from her dangerous working mind.

"Please stop!" I interjected before she could say something obnoxious.

"Logan offered nothing in return because… I didn't tell him." I avowed, shyly.

"Oh, Rory." She mumbled. "What you're doing? You have to tell him, your baby has a father." She contradicted me.

"I know, but I couldn't. He picked me up here, with a limo and we flew by helicopter to his house in Maine..."

"Did you use a condom?" She teased me, interrupting my reasoning.

"No, mom, I..." I tried again.

"You never accept my advice, but this time you should, after all, this guy must be so fertile that you can get pregnant with a second baby at the same time." She said, dismissively, making a face and shifting positions on the couch.

"No, mom! Just let me finish, please?" I countered.

"We didn't have sex, I know the scenario seems to suggest this, believe me, I thought it too, but he called me to offer help with the book. He was very kind and considerate, but I got nervous, and messed it up. We got in an argument and I lost the courage." I summed up.

"What did you fight about?" Lorelai questioned.

"…Odette?" I gave up, hesitating a little to speak her name.

"Oh, Rory..." She said, slapping her forehead.

"Can you please stop _Oh, Rory-ing_ me? This isn't helping" I whined, wearing frustration on my face.

"Why were you fighting Logan over his fiancé? Do you want him back? What's the point of the discussion if you don't?" She persisted.

"I don't know if I want him back. I want him to care about me; I want him to love my baby, being by our side. I can't stand the idea of Logan being a deadbeat dad, but I can't have what I want, because he has a god damn fiancée. I'm not the priority, the baby isn't the priority, the job is..." I snapped, thinking about how many things that could go wrong.

I started to think that maybe it was just me; maybe I was even having a nervous breakdown because it definitely felt like I was starting to lose my mind. Which funnily enough was happening, but not as result of a mental illness. It was the result of having the curtains pulled up and reality shining in brightly.

My mother was worried and immediately acted to hold me in her arms. She knew me well enough to know that I wasn't OK. My chest was so tight inside that it felt like something was crushing me. I'm not sure I would have managed to pull myself up if it hadn't been for my her. But she was there for me, like she always had. And that's the kind of mother I wanted to be.

"Thanks, mom", I relaxed, appreciating her for knowing what to do exactly when I needed it.

Mom looked me in the eyes, as I tried to choke back my tears. "Kiddo, since you didn't take my advice about condoms," Before she could go on, I sketched a reaction to defend myself, "Shhh, let me finish. I promise I have a point", She cut me off and I waited.

"You'll never know if you don't say it. Maybe you're borrowing trouble here. Give Logan some credit, let him make his own decisions, good or bad." She stroked my arms, while I was staring at her deep blue eyes, which I had proudly inherited. "It's not your job to think for him, if he let you down, it will hurt at first, but the result is a scar that fades with time." She comforted me.

"I know." I nodded, feebly.

"Now give me a smile." She said, grinning. A smile broke timidly across my face, feeling her energy bringing me to life again.

"Do it, this pain isn't helping your baby, or your skin." She concluded, mockingly.

I narrowed my eyes at her, using my hands to feel my skin, while I watched her taking off the room.

"Oh." She turned back at me again. "Try to give him the news in person, if you can. No messages or phone calls, you two suck at communication already, the distance can bring no good in this case."

"You're right, I'll set a meeting with him, and I should thank him again for the publisher thing."

"Thank him for me too; I can't wait for all my rotten mistakes to be available all over the world. I have to go, Kiddo. My other kid needs mommy right now." She said, slipping out the door, referring to the Inn.

I spend some time reflecting upon it, thinking about the positive and improvable aspects, decided to take a step forward. Maybe my mind was tricking me, to mock me at my own stupidity. I knew that overthinking wouldn't stop bad things from happening, if it was supposed to be, but I knew it would stop me to take the risk.

I took my cell phone called Logan one more time. I waited anxiously on the other side of the line, until a voice answered.

"Hello!" I hear the melodic sound greeting me, and I immediately froze. This isn't Logan.

I kept quiet. If someone had to ask my name during that time frame, I wouldn't have been able to answer it.

"Hello, who is there?" The voice insisted.

"Who is this?" I asked rhetorically.

"Odette."

 **A/N:** What now, Rory? You've been busted!

I'm seeing you there without pressing the review button. Shame on you! :)


	7. Chapter 7 - You're not Welcome

**Disclaimer:** I don't own copyrights on the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** Let me guess: You were dying to know what would happen, right? So here's the new chapter!

* * *

CHAPTER 7 – YOU'RE NOT WELCOME

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France was such a nice place. So my memories told me, bringing the summer vacations days I spent with my mother there. I could still feel the nice breeze touching my face, surrounded by culture and delicious candies. In those distant days, the great golden orb above was friendly. I was happy there; it reminded me a good time of my life.

I heard the soft and sexy voice on the other side of the line.

"Who is there?" She persisted. The thick French accent echoed against my ears.

"Hi, Odette. Sorry for calling this late, I totally forgot about the time zone." I paused, looking for what to say. "Anyway, I'm calling about the publisher Mr. Huntzberger is negotiating. I really apologize if I'm bothering you, I promise to pay more attention next time." I said, the words trembling in my mouth.

"Logan is in the shower. I am afraid he can not answer your call now." She said, sternly.

"Oh, I understand!" I tried to sound nonchalantly, after all this could be a normal conversation, but as for me, I was humiliated exceedingly.

We remained in a deafening silence that carried a stronger message than words. My intuition said that we were both uncomfortable. We were both feeling the same thing — I wished she had never answered that call, and she wished I had never done it.

"You can tell me your name and I will give him the message." She replied, carefully hiding her real intentions.

This could be a trap. I froze, feeling along my suddenly cold skin. This had to be a trap. Why else would Odette want to know my name? I didn't want to get under her radar, it would certainly bring some complications to Logan, and consequently myself. She sounded smart and this was dangerous; I had to turn this around.

"Oh, don't bother yourself. I have Phillip's phone, I think he can help me. Thank you for your attention and I apologize again." I managed to hang up the phone without hearing the answer, but she insisted.

"Please. Logan and I do not usually sleep too early. I can give him your message. Just say your name, darling." Her voice was soft and intimidating.

Intimacy. She wanted to show me that she and Logan shared some kind of intimacy. I could tell she felt threatened by my call. _Good._

"Rory Gilmore." I finally surrendered, knowing that not answering would be even more suspicious.

"Thank you, _Rory Gilmore_." She highlighted my name before continuing. "I will make sure Logan gets your message. Bye!" She hung up on me.

That was bad. I guessed she knew there was something not quite right as well, something beyond her reach. When someone calls you _darling_ without even knowing you, and this person isn't Finn, it's bad news. She probably hated my guts. I couldn't blame her though.

I paced back and forth impatiently, thinking about what should I tell Logan if he confronted me. Logan and I had no public connections that could expose our affair, no one saw us together, except for his father — Who would have no interest in causing any problem in his son's relationship, leaving the book as the only plausible explanation. I rubbed my chin thoughtfully, reaching the last conclusions and relaxing.

The next morning, I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseated, walking towards the bathroom as usual. I learned very quickly that "morning sickness" was quite the misnomer, I felt nauseated for most part of the day and anxiety only used to get worse. The worst part of being pregnant was losing all interest in delicious foods and still getting weight like never before. I felt some clothes, especially pants, refusing to fit; My face was swollen and my legs hurt like a 70 year old with poor circulation.

Lorelai came into the bathroom to help me. She supported my back and held my hair out of the way, as I puked my guts out.

"Huh, this is nice, see you here again ready to put it all out, this remembers me the Founder's Day Punch. That blonde Guy is such a pain in my ass, always making you throwing up in my bathroom's floor." Mom mocked me, pretending to be muttering to herself.

"Thanks for the awful memory, mom" I said feeling the nausea increasing.

"Sorry, kiddo. I couldn't miss the opportunity." She said, winking at me.

I stood up, bathed my face with cool cloths afterward and she helped me to brush my teeth.

I was restless and a bit grumpy. I didn't feel like doing anything, so I walked back to the bedroom, ready to stay all day under the sheets. Lorelai followed me.

"What is all this about?" She asked, pointing at the phone, almost stuck in my hands. I knew what she was talking about, so I said straight out.

"I called Logan!" I said, sitting on the edge of the bed still attached to the phone.

Mom sat by my side, simulating a dramatic pose.

"And...?" She inquired, sitting on her heels and holding on to a pillow.

"And Odette answered the phone." I stared at her, expecting a big reaction.

"Shut up!" Mom looked at me in disbelief, but having fun.

"I know!"

"What did you say?" Her eyes were wide and annoyingly curious.

"I panicked! I said I was calling to talk about the book, which isn't a total lie, but I think she realized that there was something else, she insisted to know my name and I ended up saying." I said, rubbing my eyes in tiredness.

"Huh, what she can possibly do knowing your name? Put Logan on the spot?". My mother came to the same conclusion as I did.

I laid awkwardly in bed next to her, throwing the full weight of my body.

"So tell me..." She asked, showing keen curiosity. I saw it coming.

"How does she sound? Sophisticated like Marion Cotillard — who could break Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt up. Sexy like Brigitte Bardot or, you know, fierce and brisk like Joanna D'arc?" Mom asked, exaggerating an innocent reasoning in her voice.

I put the pillow on my face, speaking with muffled voice.

"I don't know, mom... all of them, maybe?" I answered contemplating my options. "And I don't think Marion Cotillard broke Brangelina up." I countered.

"That's not what TMZ said, you know?" She taunted.

"Oh, mom! You're very bored at work, aren't you?" I said, exaggerating pity on my voice.

"Fair enough." She shrugged her shoulders. "Now I'm going to move my lazy ass to my boring job, I hope someone broke another hot couple up to make my day worthy."

"You're horrible, you know?" I whined.

"I'm Emily's daughter, and you're mine. Which means you have the archness DNA. Use it and make us proud!" She said jokingly, giving me a kiss and leaving the room.

"By mom!" I said, chuckling a little.

I was alone in my room again. The thoughts running through my mind were so numerous and nausea had given me a rest, but it wouldn't last so long. My phone started to ring; I took a quick look at the display and it was Logan.

"Hi, Logan" I answered it, trying to sound confident.

"Hey, Rory."

"How you're doing?" I asked politely, but I already know the reason he was calling.

"Fine, thanks for asking." He reciprocated. "So, did you call me last night?"

I scratched my head, looking for an appropriate response.

"Yes, Logan. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was so late, and couldn't imagine she would answer it." I retraced. "Please forgive me if brought you any problem, I didn't mean to."

"That's fine, you cost me no trouble." He said in a soft voice.

"Really? She didn't ask anything about me?" I replied, letting the surprise slip into my voice.

"Uh... no! Should she have asked?" Logan seemed intrigued by my question.

"No... I just though, Hmm… you know... never mind" I tried to disguise.

That was weird; I could swear by our cold war conversation that Odette was skating on thin ice with me. Is it possible that I was imagining things? Or did I give her too much credit?

"So, what's the reason for the call?" If Logan was suspicious, at least he was hiding very well.

"I was calling to thank you for the help with the publisher. I didn't get the chance to thank you enough that night. That meant a lot to me. Thank you, Logan." I said a little embarrassed. Finally some truth coming out of me.

"You don't have to thank me, you deserve it. Do you have the release date yet?"

"I do. Actually, is in 3 weeks, in New York". A smile formed on my lips.

"I'll be there." He replied quickly.

"Seriously?" I couldn't lie, It flattered me.

"Sure, why not? This is a big deal." He reaffirmed.

"Wow, thank you, Logan. I really appreciate it. I'll send you the invitation."

"I'll be waiting, Ace... Rory." Logan let _the word_ slip out his mouth and tried to correct himself. He sounded embarrassed. Awkward silence creeped over us.

"Okay, then. I'm glad everything went well." He said, suggesting he was about to say goodbye.

"Yeah, me too. Listen, Logan, can we have a cup of coffee then? It's really important." I took the guts to finally ask.

Logan was speechless for a few seconds. "You sound worried. Is everything okay?" Logan answered deeply sighing.

"Yes, I'm okay. There's something I really need to talk about with you, and I rather be in person." I said, resolutely.

"It's a _date_ then... You know what I mean." He corrected himself again. "Do you have any time after the launching for an old friend, or the star of the night will be very famous already?' Logan said playful.

I smiled to myself. "No, you will be the lucky one who will take the star for a dinner." I used my teasing voice. Was he flirting with me?

"I can't wait then.", Logan repaid me with husky voice. Yes, he definitely was.

I smile like a fool, who'd won the lottery. What I was doing? I couldn't sink with this boat again.

"I have to go now, Rory. Don't forget to send me the invitation." He said, with hurried voice.

"I will. Bye Logan" I hung up.

I was dangerously excited by this conversation. I tried to keep my expectations low; the last thing I wanted was to end up feeling like a loser, but I couldn't help it. A flash of worry passed across my mind as I recalled that in 3 weeks I would be showing. There was no turning back. Logan will find out in 3 weeks.

I open my email, starting to make a guest list and forward the invitations. That would will be a special day for me; I wanted all the important people in my life to be there. For the first time, I felt excited about the future and that gave me hope. After sending the invitations, the synchronized email on my phone immediately popped an answer. Logan probably read it and must be confirming his presence. I opened the inbox, hoping to see his message, but it wasn't.

" _Hey, Rory. I'm very happy to get your invitation. I'll be there for sure._

 _Hugs, Jess."_

 **A/N:** I know many of you don't like to see Jess in Rogan stories, but I really need to close a door here. I think you know what I'm talking about. But don't skip the subject, where's the review you promised me? :)


	8. Chapter 8 - What Love is really about

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** This is going to be a loooong chapter and I know some of you aren't expecting exactly for this, but Rory really need to face her feelings to get some purpose and stop walking in circles. I believe this is the best way, hope you'll agree with me.

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CHAPTER 8 – WHAT LOVE IS REALLY ABOUT

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Chapter 8 – What love is really About.

Three weeks went by so fast. I was experiencing the joy of waking up every morning and look in the mirror. My belly was showing. It was the size of a five-month gestation. Everything was still maturing faster than normal. Recognizing myself as a mother has changed my routine and my perception of the world, and people's perception of me. I was still getting used to people constantly worrying about me. Although the over-attention still made me anxious, I had to admit that I also enjoyed it.

Time could fix many things. The town was accepting me again, as if the miracle of motherhood could wipe away all the bad blood between us. Taylor and Babette were organizing a baby shower for me, which was being considered a major event in the city. Everyone took on a task, such as with decor, buffet and choreography, leaving me flattered with all the attention devoted exclusively to my baby. Luke cooked for me every day. He wasn't ready for words yet, but I was grateful for his way of looking after me.

Everything seemed to be in order again, except for one.

Today was the day of my launch cocktail. I felt satisfied and somewhat proud of myself, my skin was glowing and my smile could light the whole house by itself. I was walking into a dream and nothing could ruin my day. No white dresses this time, I wanted to make a new memory, choosing a light pink lace dress. Despite it was still winter, the dress matched my current spirit, as if we were on a beautiful spring day.

My belly stood out succinctly in my outfit. It no longer made sense to hide it, I was launching my story, divulging my life, and nothing could be truer to myself.

I ran into mom and Luke, noticing how uncomfortable he was in his clothes. He stretched his long frame as best he could, loosening one more jacket button. He felt trapped in a suit. My mother looked fabulous with her long black dress and a beautiful sock bun hairdo.

The library was redbrick, Victorian, sitting self-importantly at the Stone Street. I pushed open the heavy swing door and went into a room with a tiled chessboard floor and about fifty shelves fanning out from a central reception area. A shiver ran over my spine when I imagined my book would soon be there, along with timeless works.

I went further down the autograph table; where, throughout the convention, pairs of writers were assigned an hour each, to make themselves available for book signing.

I sat on a table - making sure my books were clearly visible to attendees. I touched it for the first time as an official writer and I smiled. At that very moment, my eyes locked with Mom's. Tears of joy shimmered briefly in her eyes before she smiled at me.

The people began to arrive, each being greeted properly by Phillip. Many dear friends; some curious readers that I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet; former co-workers; the chartered bus bringing 50% of the Stars Hollow population and even the Chilton's Headmaster.

A long line formed in front of me and I signed the books smiling, almost mechanically, occasionally looking at the room looking for a certain someone, among all the other people who begged for my attention.

The number of people was endless and I almost felt too tired to continue. A familiar voice reached over and I noticed a pair of expressive brown eyes with a friendly smile. Jess was there, standing right in front of me.

"So, this is where I can find the new worldwide bestseller?" He said playfully, sparking a smile.

"Oh, she must be somewhere then, I'm just her intern." I said, smiling back at him.

Jess was dressed up in the suit of fine clothes, but lacked extravagance. He had gel in his hair, or something, but not too much—enough to make him look like he'd just gotten out of the shower. No ties, but I bet those were his good pants. He looked so good, more than just good, amazing.

"I'm very happy you're here, Jess." I thanked him, holding his hand.

"I wouldn't miss this." He replied, squeezing it back.

I hand't seen Jess for a few months. I always got the impression that we had a lot to catch up on. His eyes rested on me for a long moment, as if something were forming on his lips. Every time I was with him, a strange feeling that he had something to tell me always bothered me, but I couldn't say how. I waited again for his words patiently, but nothing came.

"Well, so I'm going to let you do what you have to do right now." He said, awkwardly.

I nodded like an idiot and then croaked out "Yeah, right! I talk to you later…"

He stuck his hands in his pocket and prepared to leave the line, but suddenly hesitated.

"Listen; can we have a chat later?" He asked, nervously cracking his knuckles.

"Oh… today?" I narrowed my eyes, biting my lips.

"Yeah, are you busy?"

"Oh…" I stuttered, briefly glancing around the room. "I sort of have plans for the night. Can I make it up to you any other day?"

"Oh… I should have known you'd be busy today." Jess said, almost punishing himself. "Sure, we can do it any other day, you take your time." He said, with half-hearted smile.

Something shifted inside him when he heard me. I thought I saw disappointment flashing across his eyes as he gazed at me, like if I were taking his life away. I felt terrible about dismissing a friend like that, but all I could think about was in my meeting with Logan. We had another brief exchange before he left the line. I couldn't do that to Jess. He deserved better, so before he was out of my sight, I called after him.

"Jess!" I shouted.

He eventually stopped and looked back at me, surprised to hear my voice.

"Coffee is fine! We can make it work!" I smiled at him.

He nodded at me, smiling back. I watched him walk toward the small crowd and disappearing behind it.

I signed every book right down to the last person in line. Two hundred and thirty-six books altogether. At one stage was signing, thanking people, and being interviewed by newspaper reporters, all at the same time. The time ran so fast and every minute with the imminent feeling of seeing him was a torture.

The afternoon was running out and he wasn't here. I fought the disappointment I felt rising in my breast. Of course, I couldn't expect him to stand here and talk with me all day. What I was thinking?

As the room started to get empty, I was forced to believe. The publisher was very happy with the sales, already discussing the possibility of a second book, but nothing could cheer me up. I didn't care about anything. I could connect only with the sinking feeling, the constant feeling that I was sinking inside.

I opened my e-mail looking for some comfort, but just found a message from my father, apologizing for not being here. He didn't even know I was expecting a child. I couldn't count on him, any more than I could count on Logan. That's when Reality bit me hard. Logan's goodbye was real. He was really gone.

"Hey!" Lorelai said, pulling me out of my lost thoughts.

"Hi!" I disguised, holding the tears back.

"Nice party…" She praised me, but I realized that I have failed to hide my emotions from her.

"Yeah…" I answered, discouraged.

"Was it the way you imagined it to be?" She asked quietly.

I had to admit that the question bothered me a great deal. So much, in fact, that for a time I couldn't think of anything else.

"Almost…" I lied.

"That's good… " She said. An awkward silence stood in the air for a moment until she spoke.

"So…" She hesitated a little. "I think me and Luke will head out. Are you coming with us?"

"Hmm, no. I think I still need some time. I will take a bus."

She stared at me, unconvinced, her eyes almost ink blue in the dim light. Her mouth opened, but whatever she wanted to say stayed locked inside. Instead, she leaned over as kissed me on the forehead.

"Just call me if you need anything." She said. I felt the tears forming in the corner of my eyes and slowly sliding over my face. I wiped it away and looked up smiling, so Mom could return home in peace.

There was no much left to see. I stared at my glass of water and watched the floating ice cubes. I was starving in every aspect of my body. I was starving mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I was not listening to or following my heart. I was living according to a preconceived notion of what my life was supposed to be. My heart was telling me to go on, but my mind insisted to tell me it was wrong. The truth was that I didn't want to suffer anymore, and I was willing to do anything to make it stop.

I replayed our last conversation in my head, concentrating on every word I could remember, turning each inside out to look for clues. I came up empty. I punished myself trying to remember something I might have done wrong, but there was no explanation. Many people were by my side today, but that was the worst part of being in love — seeing only one face in a crowd.

That was it. I could finally admit it to myself. It sounded scary when I listened, but yes, I was in love with Logan. I was still in love with Logan. Why it was so hard to see it before?

A movie was flashing in my head like a rewinding old tape. It was pretty clear and even pathetic. I was so busy not looking for explanations that I lied to myself. I thought it would be a phase. Guess I was wrong.

I hated how vulnerable I felt to admit. Facing the past was too painful, but Logan's words fell hard on me. I didn't refuse his proposal for lack of love, it wasn't the idea of being with him that scared me, but marriage felt out of the place for the person I was then. Maybe that love didn't go away; it only fell dormant and was repressed by my emotions, trying to protect themselves from the suffering of being without him. Once it awakened, not even the distance wanted to prevent it.

Thinking about Logan was too overwhelming. I was having a hard time to breathe and I felt the tightness in my throat. I was close to an emotional breakdown when someone approached me. Jess brought me a nice cup of coffee and some biscuits with it, too. Just what I needed.

"Thank you, Jess" I said, relieved to leave my own mind for a minute.

"I figured you'd need it. You hardly had time to breathe today."

"Breathing has not been easy for me right now". I murmured. Jess's eyes were confused by my answer, but he let it slip.

An eerie silence stood between us. Jess couldn't stop to looking at me. I could feel his eyes burning in my skin, making me embarrassed.

"You know, that was just an entry." He broke the silence. "Maybe we could grab a bite somewhere else, if you're not too tired. You should celebrate this day." He suggested.

"I don't know, Jess. I really feel like I should go home. I know I said we could make it work, but I feel too tired." I said, collecting my things. Down casted.

"What's wrong?" He confronted me, feeling the heavy energy I conveyed.

"Why do you think something is wrong?" I asked, challenging him.

"I can read into your face." He countered. A muscle twitched beside his eyes.

I kept silent, thinking to myself of how I wanted answers, but I could only get more questions.

"So, do you still want to eat something?" He insisted, implying that my mood would not be a problem. A shy smile escaped my lips and I glanced at him, accepting the invitation with my eyes.

Suddenly something caught my attention. My eyes glanced at a supposed shadow shifting outside the door. I was scared at the idea of being Logan, so I stared toward the exit with dangerous expectations. It didn't take so long to my mood die again. My body shivered and tears pricked my eyes. My mind was probably playing tricks on me. How could I just go out with Jess? He needed to know what was happening to me.

I stood up in front of him, letting my belly to show. He looked straight at it while confusion expressed itself in his eyes.

His silence was killing me. I balled my fists up in frustration, but he offered me a smile and his hands.

"Let's go?"

We left the place side by side.

I was walking in the city of New York with Jess, but my eyes were looking for something else. Sometimes I was catching myself not paying attention properly to what he was saying.

I remember how different we were from the last time we were here, together. So much has taken place since then, especially the way I saw him. I've been so busy struggling with my life that I almost never had time to think about him.

We found a Chinese restaurant. Once we sat down at a table, it was evident that I was totally out. Jess didn't raise the subject, allowing me to feel more comfortable with him. After our meal, I opened the fortune cookie in a desperate urge to read something good. I never believed in faith tricks, but I needed to believe in something, or there would be no hope.

The cookie was completely empty.

"Great! This is just great. I have no luck at all! I already knew that, but the biscuit itself having to reaffirm it, is humiliating." I whined. "Among all the cookies in New York, I had to pick up just that part of the less than 2% defective. Great!"

Jess watched me quietly, waiting for my little outbreak to be over, so he could talk.

"Is this just about the cookie?" He asked, knowingly.

"Do you have the impression that we are stuck in the same place we were many years ago?" I asked, trying to vent. I ran a sweaty hand over my face, muttering curses under my breath

Jess was silent. When I stared at his eyes, something flashed across it in response. Something so quick that I almost missed. Something that I had never seen before, something that made me confused, nervous. Unsettled. Also, breathless. Something at once frightening and sad. In a minute of perception, I understood. I didn't want to believe, but it was crystal and clear. He liked me. _Jess liked me_. How was that possible?

And just like that the whole mood of relaxation between us became an unbearable tension. I wanted to disappear, but I couldn't just run away though. I had somehow survived the rest of the day, so that would be just one more hit that wouldn't kill me, but would help to rip me off little by little.

"When you say everything is the same, you don't mean everything, right?" He asked me shyly, but letting his intentions escape.

"Well, clearly one thing is very different to me right now." I replied sarcastically, rubbing my belly and staring at my feet.

"I thought you didn't want to talk about it." He confronted me.

"I know. I'm not very in the mood right now, this day was... unexpected" I ran my fingers through my hair, supporting my elbows on the table.

"But today was your big day!" He exclaimed, confused.

"It was supposed to be, but it's much more complex than that, Jess", I rubbed my temples in frustration.

"I thought so. When I saw you today, it felt like you were somewhere else, or your heart wasn't here. Like…" He hesitated.

"Like what?" I insisted.

"Like that day in Philadelphia, 10 years ago." He spat.

I didn't want to throw salt on his wounds, but there was nothing else I could say. I knew what was killing him from the inside.

"Maybe my heart is in the same place as that day, 10 years ago." I admitted, letting him know how I felt.

"Oh..." He looked at my belly succinctly, but tried to hide. The glare on his face faded into a look of dismay. I could see that I was hurting him. Again.

"I guess this is something you'll maybe never fix after all." He said, not hiding his disappointment.

I didn't know what to say to him. I felt bad. My head was pounding and my stomach was hollering. Then I decided to go on.

"Listen, Jess. When I left Yale, you were one of the voices that helped me, but you were wrong about me somehow. I used to see me differently, but I had time to know myself, and maybe I don't have to fix it, maybe that was a little of what I am."

"But..." Jess rehearsed an answer that got lost in his mouth before he could finish it.

"Jess, just say it. That was a long time ago. Why keep the unspoken things?" I felt tired of indirect conversations.

"This was 10 years ago, Rory. How is this even possible?" Jess shrugged his shoulders and pretended stoicism.

"I don't know, Jess. Have you ever been in love with someone for years and you can't tell why?" I snorted.

"Maybe" He said, clearing his throat.

When I realized how my words have reached him, we quickly looked away from each other in discomfort, our eyes overflowing. Awkward silence was there once more.

Slowly we managed to stare each other again. I could see Jess's eyes glowing with a disturbing expectation, but I reserved myself to the right to say nothing instead.

"You know, I've been writing about love for a long time. It's not as simple as it sounds. I think love is a complete paradox."

"Why you're saying this?" I pretended not to understand where he wanted to go with this.

"There are many different forms of love, sometimes the same love. The worst love to write about is that one you always keep hoping to happen, without the faintest idea if it ever will. This is the love that you can't let go, because in your head it would be perfect, it would meet all your expectations when you think it fits."

"That's crazy!" My face growled pensive. My mind spiraling out of control, stuck on thoughts about how awful would be what was about to come.

"Is that so? Have you tried using logic to justify love? As if, love was an exact science. Like math? People do that all the time." Jess said, with eyes haunted by some inner anxiety.

"All the people in love do that. I think that's exactly what love is about." I said, glancing around, not focusing on anything

"Maybe not. Some people live love in its real form. Others live waiting, refusing to believe it won't happen, afraid of losing what they found, even though it was never really theirs. So, they start to self-sabotage what could really work because they don't want to let go, and that's how love can be cruel." Jess's words seemed to float out of his mouth, coming out sincerely. I was keeping them up as if it was the most beautiful poem I have ever heard.

"Maybe you have a very idealistic idea about love." I said, bitterly twitching my lips.

"It's not just idealism. It's a reality that justifies an illusion." Jess skirted my discouraged words.

"I don't see how this is possible. Illusion is justified only by ourselves, not by reality."

I was desperate inside. I felt trapped by his arguments, and then my eyes started to fill with tears. Jess's speech was beautiful, but it was also sad. It seemed like we were both exposed to the love he had just described. He was trying to convince me, but I kept pushing him away.

The night fell in New York and whilst some people went out the streets in search of love, there were two people defeated by it, except that maybe one of us could be free from this pain tonight. And I knew I wasn't the one.

I wasn't a poet, I didn't know much about love. I knew I couldn't help my deep emotional issues right now, but perhaps I could help Jess.

"You know, I think you just let a little detail go unnoticed. Sometimes the love that we idealize for ourselves isn't the same love another person wants. That is what makes love so wonderful and scary at the same time — surrendering to something we can't control, but that can control us. There's a plenty kind of loves outside, Jess. Why bother to write about the only one you can't have?" The words stumbled out of my mouth, but they were final.

Jess took a deep breath, digesting my words. He looked at me with pain in his eyes, shooting me slowly. "Are you suggesting that it's time to write about another love?" He concluded correctly, putting me in a position of choice.

For the first time; I could make a free decision outside my recent selfish choices. I wanted to be a better person, and then now it would be a good time to start. I could see the thin line separating hope and weariness; suffering was common to both sides. There was no good way to say it.

"I think it is a good Idea, Jess." I finally said, breaking him free.

I granted comfort in my eyes, but the look on his face was hard, unyieldingly, but his expression flickered when he saw the sadness on my face. His eyes softened and he slowly accepted my decision. Relief was inevitable, pain too. To me and to him.

Jess rubbed his eyes, having trouble to continuing this conversation. I knew that his chest was growing so tight it became hard to breathe.

"So, what you going to do?" He asked. He shifted incessantly in his seat, avoiding my eyes.

"I think my issue is still too real." I nodded at myself, reflective.

"It is still love, right? That thing that poets should know all about it." A quick, incredulous smile formed in the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah... maybe love is nicer in books." I said, smiling bitterly.

"I'm sure about that." He finished, scratching at his forehead as if he could pull off the lines of pain.

We stood in a thoughtful silence for a moment, until I decided to break the ice.

"Well, if nothing works, I'll steal your speech for my next book." Our eyes met again and a big smile spread across our faces. I felt the air coming cleaner between us and exhaled a relief. We shared a laugh over how long it took us to get things together.

"I'm glad to help, but I don't think you need it. This is a hell of a book, Rory. I think you've found your passion, and you're good at it."

"Thank you, Jess. It means a lot to me." I said, sincerely, finding comfort in his words.

"You know, you can take my fortune cookie, I think you'll use better than me." Jess poked the cookie toward me.

"Thank you. You know, Jess. Life turned you and me very different people, but I'm happy we can still be friends." I affirmed, trying to figure out his feelings. I was desperate to know that I hadn't lost him.

"Yeah..." His answer was evasive and I said no more. There was nothing I could do, just grab hold onto the idea that one day he would realize that I was doing the right thing. However, it also broke my heart.

We left the restaurant and the weight over my shoulders behind; he escorted me to the bus station. I walked the whole quiet path trying to figure out how to comfort him, but he didn't seem to want it. That was beyond my reach, but I was glad I wasn't stepping in his happiness way anymore.

"Call me If you need something." I said, trying to reaffirm our friendship bond.

"You too." Jess gave me an uncertain smile before leave. I couldn't count how many times this happened before, but now I really hoped it wasn't a goodbye.

When I finally got home, I had a contagious discouragement in my face and I knew that no living soul deserved to endure another minute of this agony. I was determined to sleep to forget my sorrows, even knowing that mom and Luke were still awake.

I was certain Mom could hear me before she could see me. I walked through the back door, still crying loudly. I tried to get by her and take refuge in my room, but she was too quick. She entered the room slowly, without flourish or announcement, and carefully shut the door behind her.

"So... Did you have a goodday?" She asked, pacing the room.

I just threw a self-explanatory look, demonstrating all my frustration.

"I figured." She nodded at herself, twisting her mouth.

Lorelai approached the bed-side, and after taking a seat, gazed into my eyes with the fondness of an old acquaintance. She spoke, and the soft intonations of her voice were like the music to my ears.

"Come here!" She pointed at her lap as I promptly lay down on it.

"So... She warmed up. "He didn't show up?" Mom said, caressing my hair.

"Yeah..." I confessed,my voice cracking and tight.

"I'm sorry, kiddo."

I wanted to close my eyes so that everything would disappear, but I knew that it would still be there when I opened them again. There was something I wanted to know and it was time to ask.

"Mom, I need to tell you something." I sat on the bed face to face with her. I took a deep breath, pushing away the remaining tears, and I looked into her worried eyes. "A couple of months ago, I went to see dad. I wanted to understand why he wasn't there when you raised me."

A flurry of emotions crossed her beautiful features as she digested my words. And then, she closed her eyes and looked down.

"Look, Mom. I don't want to be ungrateful here or question your choices. I am trying to convince myself that everything will be okay, but deep down I'm terrified of being a single mother." I said with tears choking my voice.

Her face was still blank, but her eyes followed my words. I kept going.

"When Logan called me, I was begging to believe that something would change, but now the illusion is shattered and I'm freaking out! What should I do, Mom?" I snapped, uncertain whether to breath or scream.

"I understand you." Mom answered, leaving me speechless.

"What?" I replied, widening my eyes.

"Look, Rory. I know you grew up believing your mother was the wonder woman — not that I couldn't wear the armor of an Amazonian woman because, you know, I could totally pull it out — but the story wasn't always that pretty. "

"I know…" I nodded shyly looking away.

"It was difficult, Rory. For many times, I wished I had someone I could trust, and make me feel safe. I missed caring only about myself, worrying about my needs. As much as I loved you more than anything, I still struggled. Being a mother doesn't change your necessity of love, or affection. Don't you feel guilty for wanting it, kiddo. It is totally normal." She smiled deeply into my face, cupping my chin with her hands, still warm.

That was the first time we spoke openly about it, like adults. I felt guilty for being so afraid, when my mother — half my age — Lane and Paris, were facing their responsibilities. Hearing her words, I began to feel wondrously at peace. To my surprise, the wound and the pain were gone.

"Maybe I didn't have to do this by myself, but I think I just closed the doors to someone who could be by my side, just like Luke is there for you." I evaluated, contemplating my options.

"He isn't Luke." She interjected.

"What?"

" _He_ isn't Luke." She said slowly, her eyebrows raising disdainfully.

"Mom, I - " I tried to justify myself.

"Also, Luke didn't raise _you_." She pointed at me. "Do you think it's easy to be in a relationship when you have a baby? _He_ isn't the father of your child, he wouldn't be part of the baby's decisions and believe me, your priorities change when you have a child under your responsibilities. Your interests will be conflicted often because you will always put the baby's needs in first. Look what happened with me and Luke when April showed up in his life." She addressed, as if she knew who I was talking about.

"How long have you known that he is in love with me?" I asked.

"Well, I'm surprised that _you_ didn't know. The way he looks at you, the way he always has excuses to be next you... He is pining over you, hon."

I felt horrible at her statement. Was it possible that I was the only one who didn't see it?

"And this is exactly what I'm talking about. I can see how life has changed him. He is a grownup, trustworthy, and we have so much in common… maybe I don't need that flame and that will be enough to build something real for both of us. Maybe I made a mistake." I said, going through the last hours in my head and doubting myself.

"Rory, you don't love him!" Lorelai cut me off.

"But I wish I did." I closed my eyes, stressed out.

"I know, baby, but this isn't how life really works. You cannot make a pro and cos list and just choose someone to love because you want to, or because you think this could be your best option. There is no explanation to love."

"I never gave us a new chance. We were so young and sometimes I think it could be different. Now we are different, but I have a baby coming." I affirmed, holding onto the fleeting illusion of security.

"Rory, do you think this is fair? You know, I have to admit that Jess has really grown, at least I give him that, but he isn't somebody totally new. As far as I know, Jess isn't the biggest Stars Hollow's fan yet — or Logan's. Should he drop his life, just to be someone who will support you? That's the _love_ he deserves? No one will save your life, kiddo. You are the protagonist of your own story, only you can fix things the way you need."

"I know this sounds awful, Mom, but…"

"It really does" She interrupted me again, before I can continue arguing.

"I know, and I feel horrible for saying that, but maybe we would be good together." I scratched my head trying to figure out why I was saying those things. Why was I falling in contradiction?

"You don't know that, Rory. You just want to believe this because it's easiest. Trust me I've been there before."

"When exactly?" I questioned.

"Remember Max?"

"My high school teacher? Oh, dear God…" I rolled my eyes, playfully.

"There is no dirtiness in this story, I promise." She rectified.

"That happened with him, then with your father. It never worked because it wasn't real." She paused. "If you were in relationship with Jess, his old flaws would still be there. Love isn't what show up to make your life easier, it is not what overflows with joy every day as well. Love is deciding who goes to the market sometimes, or getting up early to make the breakfast for someone even if you are very tired. The small things. You can't predict what it would be like, so don't press yourself to want something you don't actually do. If you choose it for the wrong reasons, it will always be wrong." She explained, still staring into my eyes.

"If you had chosen Max, then you'd never have found Luke." I asserted, nodding at myself in conclusion.

"Exactly, or I would waste precious years away from him, until I realized it."

I breathed deeply absorbing her insight. My mind was crowded with feelings and emotions directed mainly at myself. Lorelai realized the moment and she just knew that it was time to leave me alone with my thoughts.

"Choose with your heart, baby." She said, touching my face with a slight affection.

Lorelai got up and walked towards the door. When she was about to leave, I shouted.

"My heart tells me that I love Logan." I countered.

She turned to me with a slight smile on her face and answered. "I know."

"He probably doesn't feel the same way. I can't trust him. I don't really want to believe this, but I'm alone. I mean, I know I have you, and people by my side, but you have your own life. It's not fair. I want my baby to have a father, but I don't think Logan can do this." I continued.

"Are you sure? I can't give you the answer you want, kiddo, but I'll trust your heart this decision. Maybe you should too." She said at last, winking at me and leaving the room.

I shrank in bed in a fetal position trying to digest her words. I couldn't believe I spent so much time looking for some answers in the wrong place, when wisdom was at my side.

A few minutes later, I was still trying to fall asleep, when I head the light beat asking gently to enter. I cursed inside and I couldn't see the face through the dark room. I sat on the bed to watch the movement, so I saw Luke.

"Hi, Luke. Do you need anything? " I asked, confused with his presence; Luke almost never entered my room.

"Hey, Rory. I'm sorry to come in like this, you must be wondering what I'm doing here, but I've been worried about you. I want you to know that I don't mean to intrude in your life, but I couldn't help overhearing the conversation from outside the window. If you'll let me, I'd like to say something." His mouth was shaking, apprehensive.

I had to admit that his words took me by surprise. I could never saw that coming. I really thought the baby would be born and consuming coffee and burgers before this could happen. Then I knew he was serious.

"That's okay, Luke." I said, fixing my eyes upon his.

"Thank you." He sat uncomfortably perched upon a corner of the bed.

Luke cleaned his throat a couple times before starting. He stared at his trembling hands, his eyes blurred. "There's something I've never told anyone about me." He started. His voice thick and unsteady. "Ten years ago, as you know, I found out that I was a father." Luke took a little breath and continued.

"I was in a relationship with your mother and I didn't ask her for help, I wanted to feel strong, but I was really shaken up. As soon as I knew April better, I was angry and frustrated with my life. Somehow, I felt like the luckiest man of the world to have such an incredible daughter. At the same time, the least lucky to have lost so much time to know her." Luke took off his cap and held it against his chest. His gaze was not focused on anything. He appeared to be staring out through the room, but only really living into his mind.

Luke's words made my eyes brimming with tears, so I reached to touch his coarse and cold hands. "I'm sorry. I am sure I don't have the softest fingertips in the world." He tried to withdraw his hands, embarrassed.

"That's okay." I interjected, still holding them.

"Rory, I didn't see my daughter born. I missed her first steps, her first words. I didn't cook a soup when she had a flu, or teach her how to ride a bike. I missed her first day in school, her first laugh. I felt angry for a long time, still there is not a day goes by that I don't think about it."

"I'm sorry, Luke."

"I wish that time could go back, but it won't. Anna took it away from me. Please think about it and, if you decide so, don't take it away from Logan. Give him the chance to be the luckiest man in the world." His words echoed in my head, spreading like fireflies.

Luke never talked about feelings. He never spoke about that sort of thing to me or to anyone that I knew of until that day. I felt deep gratitude for his kindness.

"Thank you, Luke" I had no choice but to hug him.

"You should get some rest right now." He put on his cap back on. "I'm fixing the porch staircase again. I'll try to keep it down."

"Thanks!"

"This house has more needs than a baby with a dirty diaper. I blame your mother for it." He murmured, returning to his old self and lifting toward the door, turning the light off.

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling as tears rolled down the sides of my face. I was exhausted. Scanning the room with my eyes, I came across the fortune cookie that Jess gave me. It was on the table staring back at me. I had forgotten to open it and something told me I should.

I rose from the bed, took the cookie in my hands and split it in half, reading the little paper inside.

An electricity ran through my body and mixed it with Luke's words still replaying in my head. It had to be a sign.

I left my room and ran up the stairs, skipping a few steps along the way. I stopped in front of my mother's door, which was open.

She was sitting alone wearing her old bathrobe, frightened by my sudden arrival. I took a deep breath and let my heart speak for me.

"Mom, I'm going to London."

 **A/N:** Full circle my ass, right? Share your feelings with me clicking the pretty button here! I've already been told that I'm an excellent listener! :)


	9. Chapter 9 - Daddy Knows Best

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** Thank you for continuing to follow my story. I think we got here, right? Let's cut right into the chase, here is what everyone wants to know.

* * *

CHAPTER 9 – DADDY KNOWS BEST

* * *

I smelled the scent of fresh snow when I woke up. I shuffled my body slowly under the blankets, still feeling cozy. I was reluctant to take the first step, but the urgency of the alarm clock's pointer forced me to finally do it.

I opened the window and inhaled the crisp, cool air. This would be just another cold winter day, if not for the fact that the rest of my life would begin now.

There was a suitcase standing beside my bed. Packing always meant knowing the unexpected. With this particularly suitcase, I had made great memories and experiences. I never worried about the person I would be when I came back, but this particular trip was scary; I couldn't imagine the mess that would put this bag back in the closet.

I couldn't sleep properly. Having had several terrible dreams about this day and staying awake, at least comforted me from having to face them tonight.

After taking a very hot shower and getting dressed, I dragged my drowsy body at a slow pace until I reach the kitchen, with my thoughts echoing noisily in my skull. There was just me and a cup of coffee waiting at the table. I pulled it toward me, turning the mug slowly. There was a small post-it glued to it with a hand-drawn heart on it. Just below it, it was written:

 _"Smile to this day and it will smile for you"_

I let a timid smile slip away as I recognized mom's handwriting.

As I sank into my thoughts, I heard Luke and mom putting the bags in the car. Shortly after, Lorelai walked toward the kitchen, rubbing her hands and wiping some of the snow that had fallen on her cold cap.

"Hey!" Mom greeted me, spotting my dying expression, alone in the kitchen.

"Hi Mom" I replied, directing a not so encouraged but earnest smile.

She rested her hands on her waist and watched me, frowning mockingly to cheer me up. I allowed myself to laugh a little but I was still avoiding talking about it.

"So… Are you ready to go?" She asked me, flattening her mouth. A momentary look of discomfort crossed her face, but I let it slip.

"Yep…" I rose from the chair, certainly scared to death.

When I decided to go to London, the house became tense. Everyone acquired that habit when they were close to me — walking on needles, afraid of say something that could break me apart. I hated it. I knew they had good intentions, but I felt like everyone thought something was about to go wrong.

I was tired of trying to read too much into everything and maybe I was just being sulky again. I blamed pregnancy sometimes for my fickle mood for no apparent reason. To survive this phase, I decided to nod to everything people said, instead of stressing myself out unnecessarily.

"So, how was the coffee?" Luke walked in, trying to break the ice.

"It was perfect. Thank you!" I replied, playing with my mug.

We all stood in silence for a while, in preparation perhaps for the new day, perhaps for the rest of our lives.

"So, I'll be waiting in the car." Luke smiled, putting his jacket back on and made his way to the car. Mom was following him, still quiet. Until I spoke.

"What If it doesn't work out?" I said, verbalizing what everyone was thinking. I couldn't pretend it wasn't happening.

"Then, It's over! You do what you have to do, let's take it from there." Mom winked at me, a faint smile tugged at her mouth. She walked toward me, giving me a warm hug and leading me to the door. That was it. Logan would find out about the baby tomorrow. No matter arrived at the airport an hour early, still practicing silence. Mom was still trying to make me feel better. Obviously, she didn't know that I was immune to joy, until the knot in my stomach would finally leave me alone.

I didn't warn Logan that I was going to London, after all I didn't have a good excuse for this. But I was almost sure it was the right thing. I would have a few weeks off the book obligations, so the timing was spot on. Traveling alone was harder than I remembered. I'd done this so many times and despite not being literally alone, I had never felt more lost in my own company.

"You call me as soon as you get there, okay?" Mom said, rubbing my shoulders. Her face looked distressed as she examined mine. She ran her fingers along it. Flipping her palm over, she rubbed her thumb in my skin. Bringing her lips to touch my cheek next.

"I will." I forced a smile to make her relax.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call." Luke reinforced, holding me next.

"I promise." I replied.

"Bye!" I gave them one last look, catching their worries and trembling lips. I walked toward the boarding gate and they stool still, rooting behind the passport barrier, watching me walk away.

I spent a lot of the time scouring the entertainment board at the plane, but I couldn't find my peace there. I thankfully ended up sleeping through the flight, waking up before touchdown on the runway.

I pushed my weathered suitcase wheels ahead, ignoring the lonely fact that no one was waiting for me this time. I took the transfer straight to the hotel and I could only imagine myself sleeping in a comfortable huge bed. I wouldn't make the same mistake again, so I planned to meet Logan at lunch. No surprises on the phone.

I still had a long night ahead of me. I texted mom to let her know I had a safe flight, and headed into my laptop. My empty eyes stared at the mouse course, waiting to write my thoughts. I didn't have any good Idea, so I concentrated on writing for my baby.

I started writing my pregnancy memories. I'd complained so much so far, so I focused on save every good thing I was learning. Maybe my child could read this in the future and understand how my love for him grew daily, just like him.

I smiled from inside in every word I wrote, until I fell asleep with my computer on, too tired to move myself in bed. In the morning, I woke up blearily. I'd forgotten to turn the alarm on and my phone was almost dying.

It was 11 AM! _Crap!_ It was almost lunchtime and I had to think fast. I took a very quick bath and got horrified to see my disheveled hair and prominent dark circles at the mirror from jetlag. That was definitely not the way I'd like Logan to see me, but it was already too late.  
I gave up on wasting time with the way I looked and rushed to search for Logan's card in my purse. With his office address in hand, I grabbed everything that could be useful, calling a cab to take me there.

My heart palpitated at every block we passed, as if I was going to chuck at any moment. I guessed there was no time to train great speeches, so I let my mind work to say only the words I had to.

I saw a highly glazed building with a double skin façade standing out on a classical architecture when I arrived at my destination. Busy elevators and multiple office rooms were working nonstop. People walked in and out of a rushed life, as if they were trying to overpower time. I used to be one of them.

I waited restlessly for the elevator, feeling the sweat in my hands. I glanced discreetly around eventually just to be sure someone wasn't looking at me. I avoided every thought telling me I shouldn't be here, standing by my decision. That was the leap that made me walk in.

The doors finally spilled opened to me.

"Hi!" An attractive brunette greeted them with a stiffly polite smile and curious look.

She wore a smart black and white tweed suit with a midi-length tight skirt and a form-fitted long jacket. _Was she his secretary?_ I thought to myself. I was mesmerized by her soft washed out green eyes. If I had seen this woman on the street, I would have sworn she was some kind of Brazilian model. _God_ , I really should have dressed up better.

"I'm Darla, Mr. Huntzberger's secretary. Do you have an appointment on schedule?" She said.

"Hi, Darla. I'm Rory Gilmore, an old friend of Mr. Huntzberger. I'm sorry to come here without any warning, I don't have an appointment, but I really need to talk to him. Can you please try to squeeze me in?" I pleaded, poker faced.

Her face was confused for a second, then cleared, almost in a smile. Probably she wasn't willing to make any effort to fulfill my unusual request. The moment became almost ignominious to the point that I had to keep arguing.

"I know he is very busy, but it's really important. I think he will make an exception when he hears my name." Look at me, trying to make myself important to Logan, who didn't even bother to show up at my event or give me a call.

Darla frowned. "I'm sorry; Mr. Huntzberger is fully booked today. The best I can do is tell him that you are here, and then he can choose to see you 5 minutes before his lunch hour." She explained, visibly uncomfortable with my request. Yes, I really thought I deserved that.

"Oh, thanks. That would be enough." I put on my polite fake smile on my face and sat on the couch next to me. I felt relieved somehow, although I wasn't happy. That was so humiliating.

Sometime later, a few well-dressed suit guys left the office, shaking hands. I stood up, waiting to be called while Darla made contact. It looked like some kind of argumentwas going on. Was it possible that Logan didn't want to speak with me?

"Rory" She called me. "Mr. Huntzberger is going to see you now. The first door on the left".

"Thank you." I straightened my clothes and led myself into the room, apprehensively.

I watch my hands touch the door handle and take a deep breath. I mentally rehearsed my movements. How had I not thought of this before? The minute I get in through this door Logan is going to figure out what's going on, this is going to be pretty hard and we won't have enough time to discuss it. _Oh my God, what am I doing_?

I took a deep breath and hesitated only a moment before touching the doorknob, fearing another panic attack rising up within me. There was no turning back. Despite every sustained effort to remain calm, it is broken as soon as I see the face behind the door. That wasn't Logan, he was Mitchum.

"Look who's here. Our great reporter, Rory Gilmore." Mitchum drawled with a nasty smile on his face.

I froze immediately. That couldn't be happening. I despised the idea of even breathing the same air as that man, and being here — with _him_ — was beyond overwhelming.

"Please sit down. Make yourself comfortable, you shouldn't be standing up for so long." He looked at my belly and pointed to the chair in front of me. Like he cared.

I knew I should have walked out of the door, but before I could say anything, he was already offering to pour me a cold beverage.

"This is an original Dalmore. A friend gave it to me in exchange for a favor. Usually, I only offer it to illustrious visitors — just like you — but I think the timing wouldn't be appropriate." The man said, with a disgusting smile on his face, which allowed me to observe his crooked and badly treated teeth for a man with so much money.

I knew I would regret this somehow, but I sat on his chair, pretending I was interested in what he had to say.  
"Can I offer you some water or soda? Make yourself at home." He said.

"No thanks, I'm not planning to stay that long." I was so out of place, like a sweatshirt walking on the beach in July.

Mitchum nodded, curving his lips like if I had said something very funny. How could he be so despicable even with his mouth shut?

"So, how is life, Rory? Do you need any help?" He stared at me.

"Actually, I was looking for Logan, sir". I announced, staring at him back.

"Oh..." The little grin started to die on his face.

"Well, Logan is busy on his office right next us." Mitchum said, pointing to a black door that made their offices apart from inside the room. I was impossible to get there without going through him.

"He's currently on a conference call, I'm afraid he can't see you right now, but you know you can always talk with me, right, Rory? Let me help you. For the old times." He folded his arms tightly around his chest, leaning toward me wearing a wry smile. "Do you need an interview or any recommendation? I'd be happy to do this, especially now." He continued, as if I couldn't be anything without his help.

I held myself back and just smiled, ignoring my inner desire to answer him the way he deserved.

"Thanks, sir, but this isn't about work. It's personal, so I'm happy waiting for him outside." I answered, getting up without waiting for his response.

That was the first time I saw Mitchum speechless, his smug smile dying on his face. Maybe I had given him too much information, but I had to fight back in this silent battle. I felt like I was walking to death row, as my foot hit every step individually getting me closer and closer. At any minute, something could hit me hard.

"What do you possible have to talk with Logan in personal, Rory?" Mitchum questioned, venomously.

I knew I couldn't just walk out of there easily, so I recomposed myself, answering him slowly.

"It's something between us, sir. With all due respect, it's none of your concern." I answered cooly. I stared at his eyes, as he slowly realized that he was no longer in his comfort zone.

His look was hard and full of rage, unyieldingly so, but his expression flickered when he saw the determined resolution on my face. His gaze was pinching my skin as if it could go through it.

"Between you and Logan... I see." He changed his tone, dropping the fake one and adopting the aggressive. His nuisance was so visible that I felt a little amusement inside. I threatened him somehow. _Good._

Mitchum was silent, concentrating on his dark thoughts. I lost the track of when to stop and just let the words escape my mouth.

"What's the big deal, Mitchum? If I didn't know you, I would tell you're bothered by me. It's not like I could take Logan away from you." I provoked, with our eyes locked in a deadly gaze.

His laugh was disdainful, an awful faint cackle – easily that was the worst sound I've ever heard.

"You know, Rory. I've always admired your boldness to talk to me, but you're not Logan's girlfriend anymore for…" He rubbed his chin, pretending to be thinking. "… so long now. Matter of fact, you know he is engaged, with someone that fits exactly what this family need, so I think I no longer owe you some kind of respect." He stood up from his chair and slowly walked toward me.

"Maybe it's time for you to go." He stared through me without blinking to emphasize a point. He tried to intimidate me, but I didn't care how powerful or weak he was feeling. He came so close that I could smell his clothing, the minty scent of his breath bothering my nose.

He bent down to take my arm and I stepped back. "Don't touch me." I growled, raising my voice louder than I wish.

Mitchum sighed aggressively and rubbed his face with his hands. He was showing signs of lack of patience. I held my breath and stepped back slowly, fleeing his approach until there was nothing between the door and me.

"Fine." He whispered, continuing. "I don't need to touch you, I just need you to get out and leave this family alone, or I will call security to take you out less nicely than a pregnant lady deserves." A veiled smile drew on his lips.

I've always heard how Mitchum could be scary and persuasive, but somehow, I didn't feel like backing down from this fight. This was too important to be intimidated out of. I kept staring at him. Being pregnant had awakened my aggressive instincts, like a lioness protecting her cubs.

"Please, Mitchum. I'm not here to play one of your mental games. You don't decide when or if I get the chance to talk to Logan. This isn't about you and I'm not one of your menials. You can't tell me what to do." I said, with my face turning red - partly in embarrassment, partly in anger.

"Get out of here, now!" He ordered, yelling.

At that moment, we realized that this discussion had gone too far, and screaming at one another had reached its consequence. We shuddered when we heard a noise on the other side of the wall.

"Father?" Logan's muffled and distant voice asked, confused.

Nobody said anything in response. I just waited helplessly for Mitchum's next move.

I was convinced I couldn't get what I wanted there, so I backed down, but not missing the beat of triumphing over my rival first.

"Don't worry, I'm leaving now and I won't come back here anymore; I have Logan's personal number." I took a dramatic break to make a point. "I'll call him, you know, for the old times." I winked at Mitchum, stealing his nasty smile and printing it on my face.

I didn't give him a chance to respond. I hurried out, watching the black door open. I wasn't sure if Logan could see me, or recognize me.

On the other side of the door, I felt my legs shaking to the point of almost failing. The adrenaline rose through my skin and I replayed the whole conversation in my head, pondering how bad this could be. I planned to hide until it was safe to leave the place without ran into Mitchum again. I couldn't also let Logan see me like this, deplorable.

I knew that I had to get myself together before we met face to face, but I overheard their conversation. For a fancy office, these doors were very thin.

"Who was that, father?" Logan's voice sounded sharp with worry.

"Why are you interested in my personal visits, Logan?" Mitchum tried to dissemble what just happened. _Typical_ , I thought.

"Your personal visits?" Logan replied, suspiciously.

"Yes!" Mitchum lied.

"Ok, so let me ask you something. Are you sure that wasn't Rory?"

There was silence. I could tell that Logan was uncomfortable, but his tone was determined.

"Rory? Like Rory Gilmore? I'm confused, Logan." Mitchum said, mockingly. "What would Rory Gilmore be doing in my office? I mean, what she would even be doing here? You said you met her once for a lunch when she was in town and nothing more."

I heard nothing for a few seconds.

"You are _so_ _stupid_ , Logan." Mitchum said, with disbelief and accusatory tone. "You know, I'm not the most faithful man on earth, don't act like you don't know that, but marriage is hard. Your mother and I, for example — Very different people, but what can I say? The woman had the body of a goddess. It was about time for me to have a family." Mitchum paused. "I admit that I don't blame you. Rory is a pretty girl and I know how a woman can mess with our heads, you're a man, you have your needs; you can have fun with her whenever you want, but remember you have a family to look after."

"Don't even get me started with it. Rory isn't an object, father. I'm sorry you have to project your frustrations on me." Logan interjected his father's speech. Mitchum's words were repulsive and I could tell that Logan was as annoyed as I was.

"Do you ever listen to yourself? This girl is playing with you; she's here to mess you up just like she did before. You are a _man_ now, not a stupid frat boy in love for the first time. Act like one." Mitchum commanded.

Hearing him talking about me as if I was some kind of meat on Logan's plate and what he thinks about women in general made me nauseated. I shook against the door in anger.

"You know, father. You can stop your life lessons right now, this discussion is pointless and I need to reach Rory, she wouldn't come here for nothing less than an emergency."

Mitchum's voice was louder, like if he was standing right in front of me. Then I realized, he was blocking the door.

"Let me tell you something, son. You're doing fine; you're becoming the man I always expected you to be. You have Odette; She is an eligible and suitable lady for you. I'm sure she will give you beautiful babies, but right now, you should get away from Rory, or people might think you have something to do with that." Mitchum's voice was dangerously suggestive.

I closed my eyes, afraid of what he could say. I haven't come this far for that.

"What are you talking about?" Logan asked, apparently clueless.

I considered going back to the office and interrupting the conversation, but before I could make a move, I realized that someone was leaving.

"You should see for yourself. Go find her, maybe this will put some good sense in your head. Don't forget what I said."

I freaked out for a minute and entered the next door. It was a bathroom, and I threw up as soon as I got in. A cold sweat of fear saturating my forehead.

"Rory?" I heard Logan calling my name in the hallway. My phone was vibrating in my purse, and I assumed he was calling me. I couldn't recompose myself, so I let the call die.

I looked at my face for a few seconds in the mirror and my dilated pupils looked worse than in the morning. I used the paper to wipe my damp face bended my body in a defeated position; _I was failing_. I was failing in everything.

I sat in the cubicle, pondering my frustration when I remembered Mitchum's words. Usually I wouldn't let this get me so hard, but now I could see how people would inevitably look at me.

I thought about my grandfather. He'd be sorely disappointed. His closer friends would talk behind his back and he didn't deserve this from me — the girl he loved and believed more than anything. Tears streamed down my face, dripping from the corner of my eyes. I was so tired of pretending I could hold them back.

Logan's voice was further and further. I left the bathroom and headed in the opposite direction.

I avoided the elevator and the obscene number of people around it. Having people watching you while you cry in public was humiliating. People wouldn't stop looking at me, divided between those who felt sorry and those who'd judged me. So I decided to take the stairs, even though it was a long way down.

I left the building, walking aimless with no direction. I was trying to protect my hands in my coat pocket while the cold breeze touched my skin. It was drizzling, but I didn't bother to look for an umbrella. Instead, I let the thin drops of freezing water reach me.

I got tired and searched for a place where I could warm myself up for a bit. I had no idea how many blocks I've been up to, but I identified an old pub I used to go with Logan.

I sat on the first table and searched for my phone. Good, the battery was dead, such as my notebook. This day was a mess; my cowardice was the only thing I was certain of at that point.

Trying to do some honest self-criticism, I realized how much I complained about myself in the last few hours and how unhelpful this had been. I walked toward the counter and dialed the phone hanging on the wall. I remembered everything my mother told me in the past couple weeks. I could be a slow walker, but I would never walk back.

I faced my fear, dialing Logan. He answered me properly.

"Rory? Where are you?" There was concern in his voice.

"Hi, I'm sorry for leaving that way. I think you know I had a little problem with your father." I choked on my own words, making them sound insecure and confused. "I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't mean to cause such a trouble and I know I've been apologizing with you a lot lately…" I let my head drop to shame as I spoke, but Logan interjected.

"Rory… That's okay! Just tell me where you are." Logan asked, concerned.

"I left the building." I confessed, almost regretting that I had tried to run away from him.

"I know. I've been looking for you everywhere." He replied.

"I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to apologize for anything." He said, softening his voice.

I couldn't lie. I felt dangerously comfortable in his words. I didn't know how many pieces I would have to pick of myself back if something went off the trails there.

"Rory?"

"Yes!"

"Are you where I think you are?" He suggested, pointedly.

"What do you mean?" My heart beat faster with his words.

"Turn around." Logan said and the line disconnected.

I turned around towards the door and our eyes locked for what seemed a long time, but it may have been only a second. I felt as if a fiery arrow had shot me in the heart. Logan's face was confused.

He was standing right next to the door. His face was red from the chilly air and his wet hair hung limp on his forehead, resulted from the rain that poured over his face. His eyes ran slowly over my body and stopped in by belly.

Logan walked in my direction. The distance between us was still gradually diminishing, but it seemed like an abyss. I tried to read into his face, he seemed grim but not desperate. I was falling apart, or perhaps I no longer could keep up the facade, the false self I had built around myself. Now, in a constant state of anxiety, I was terrified.

Logan stood in front of me, searching for my eyes. I lowered my head, avoiding looking back, but he touched my chin. Ever so gently, he lifted my face with one finger and said.

"So..." His voice failed. "Is this the important _thing_ you needed to tell me?" He asked. His eyes were restless, begging for my answer.

I bit my lips preventing my emotions to scape. I rehearsed a speech, but it was too late for formalities, so I just nodded.

The silence was killing me, however, things were moving in the right direction and I wouldn't going to ruin it by saying anything stupid. He took his time, painstakingly going through everything he could think of, then he removed the loose hair that covered my face and looked deeply inside my eyes, moving his hands down my hips until he pressed against the small of my back. Fingers moving, he pulled me closer and my eyes closed with the touch of his lips on mine.

 **A/N:** I'm swooning inside. That was what we wanted, right? Can you see the button there? Click it! I know you want it. :)


	10. Chapter 10 - Something Ours

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **Warning:** Possibly **M** ature content ahead.

 **A/N:** I hope you had a nice holiday! Sorry for the slow update. Busy life, my friends! Enough with the apologies and let's celebrate that this is CHAPTER 10, right? I'm here doing the victory dance. Please, celebrate with me! So, CHAPTER TEN! Let's get some Sophie.

* * *

CHAPTER 10 – SOMETHING OURS

* * *

The place was surprisingly quiet for a bar. Isolated from everything else, I could hear it was drizzling slightly outside, like a sound effect. I was sitting on a red booth, letting my body relax, my arms fell to my sides and my legs were still. Slowly I closed my eyes, my mind was half-asleep, uncertain if I truly should make a move.

Logan was right in front of me. The knot of his tie was loosened and the top button of his shirt was unfastened. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and it was clear that he had run his hand through his tousled hair a number of times.

We hadn't talked much. To be honest, I preferred it. I was still enjoying the feeling of having a huge weight coming off my shoulders. I felt like myself again, not a tomb of secrets about to overflow. I didn't rush Logan and let him take his time. His caramel-colored eyes revealed the conflict inside him, biting his fingers in order to suppress the anxiety.

Inside, I was still ecstatic with the last few minutes. I imagined this moment happening in many ways, but not this one _. He kissed me_. What did that mean? Those were my last thoughts as my body floated, weightless. _Why did he do it?_

"So…" Finally, he broke the silence.

"So…" I glanced back at him, shuddering at the thought of what was coming.

"How long?" Logan asked, cleaning his throat. He measured his voice, the tone more serious than I've ever heard before. His eyes were restless, blinking briskly as he tried to formulate a line of reasoning.

Theoretically, this was an easy question, but I hesitated to answer it. I spent too much time hiding the truth from him, now I felt ashamed. His eyes were insistent in their supplication and he sighed with deep feeling.

"Sixteen weeks!" The words crawled out my mouth, while I stared at my feet.

He widened his eyes even more. If I wasn't mistaken, it was indeed the face of disappointment.

"All this time?" Logan said, baffled. I frowned at his tone. I knew that I must have hit a nerve.

I tried to argue, but my brain wouldn't come up with a good rebuttal, probably because he was right.

"Yes..."

"So, in Maine" He nodded to himself. "You already knew." He concluded, pointedly.

"Yes..." I murmured, biting my lips.

Logan ran his hands over his face, closing his eyes in disapproval. Tension thickened the air between us, and I held my breath.

A waiter approached and saluted us. "Welcome to the Red Lion!" He tried to sound excited, but noticed the mood at the table. We felt uncomfortable with the timing, but which was so subtle or low-key that we were unsure of how to respond.

The waiter listed the menu politely. I was so worried I could not keep up with what he said. Neither of us seemed to have paid any attention to what he offered us. Instead, we were stuck in our angst gaze.

The man stood there, waiting for any sign. "So… Can I offer you anything, or…? He tried again.

"Whiskey for me and coffee for the lady." Logan defined.

"Okay. I'll be right back."

Logan's eyes followed the waiter until we could stay comfortably alone again. Then, he turned back to me.

"Rory, you should have told me. How could you keep this from me for so long?" He let off steam, almost whispering. His tone wasn't accusatory, but it was flat.

"I know I should have tell you before. Trust me, I wanted to, but the fight, and all those things..."

"What things?" He interjected.

"You said the work is the most important thing of your life." I said, choking up.

"This is totally different." He said, breaking our eye contact and shaking his head negatively.

"Why would it be? You are engaged, Logan. To _another_ _woman_." I rectified. "I haven't told you before, because I was afraid of your reaction. Marriage is too important for your plans and your goals, your… _priorities_. " I said, trying to sound nonchalant, but with disdain slipping through my teeth.

"Not over a child. That changes everything." Logan guaranteed, taking a deep breath and resting his body against the seat.

"You don't really want to know the mess my head has been, Logan."

"But still... " He rehearsed an argument, but I interrupted him.

"Look, I know I should told you before, but I know _now_. I didn't before. I don't really want to start a fight with you." I began to gesture nervously. I didn't expect him to understand me from the start, but I wanted him to eventually do. I was a fool to think we spoke the same tongue, but I was willing to find a language that we both could understand.

"Right, I…"He nodded. "I'm sorry if I'm stressed out, but this is just too much to process. Let's just calm down. The last thing I want right now is for us to get mad at each other." His hard expression melted.

"Me too." I relaxed at his words.

"Here it is: A coffee for the lady and a whiskey for the gentleman." Realizing that the moment was still inopportune, he didn't bother offering us anything else.

I searched for Logan's eyes as he studied mine. My lips formed a smile against his, relishing the fact that he was here and we were going to be fine. I felt that the mood of relaxation was developing into something else, but it was inappropriate to continue it.

"Sixteen weeks, huh." Logan smiled suggestively, taking a sip for the first time.

"You're remembering, right?" I found mischief in his eyes.

"That was the point." He agreed.

"Stop it!" I said, my face blushing as I bit my lower lip and looked away quickly.

"What?" Logan grinned evilly.

"I don't know, It's just… weird." I whispered, rubbing the back of my neck, worried if the others in the establishment could hear me.

"Come on! We wanted it to be unforgettable! We can't say it wasn't." He raised his glass in a toast, waiting for my blessing.

"Fine, it was." I admitted, rolling my eyes.

We shared a chuckle at that. The irony was clear, but somehow comical. As I relaxed, all I had to say to Logan began to come back to my head. I had questions, but I also had explanations to give.

"I was planning to tell you at my book's launch." I placed both my hands in the mug and stared at him. I knew that getting back on this subject could backfire on me, but I couldn't avoid it anymore. Why he stood me up?

It worked like a charm.

"Yeah... About that, Rory". Logan's mood shifted inside him. He looked flustered and embarrassed, to the point that I regretted mentioning it.

"Never mind, you don't have to explain yourself to me." I said, trying to disperse the subject.

"Yes, I do." Logan's words were dry and serious.

"After your call that night, and I know you didn't meant to cause any trouble, but..." He was cautious.

"Odette..." I filled his sentence.

"Yes. She used her influence to collect information about you."

In that moment; a shiver ran through my body. I looked at him more intently. _What was that supposed to mean?_ I thought. Was this woman stalking me?

"What?" I chocked, gaping in shock.

"One day before your event, I told her I would flight back home for a couple days. She didn't buy it; apparently, she saw it coming."

I asked him to repeat what he just said as I could not believe what I was hearing. Once again, he stated that it was true.

"Oh my God, Logan. What did you tell her?" I paled, raising a hand to cover my beating heart, while I still recovered from the shock.

"In fact, I didn't need to tell her much, she read about "some blonde, wealth, heir" guy you dated in Yale called Morgan in your book" Logan said playfully, mimicking a quotation mark with his fingers.

"Oh my God..." I covered my mouth with my hand, eyes widened.

"Yeah..." Logan smirked. He tried to downplay the bad news.

"So, she knows about us." I asked, rhetorically.

Logan sighed. "Every little detail, I would say." He confirmed, nodding.

"She knows about my graduation…"

"Yes!"

"She knows about London..."

"Yes!" He kept nodding.

"She knows about New Hampshire too?"

"Oh Yes!"

As I listened, I kept telling myself that this couldn't be true, but then I remembered how I talked about him. Passionately, eloquently. If she actually read it, the damage was probably huge.

"What happened then?"

"We fought badly." He said, flatly. I tried digging for further information, but his tone was mysterious and evasive.

"And?" I demanded, impatiently.

"She made me promise that I would never see you again."

"Oh..." I felt the ground open beneath my feet, and a wave of vertigo swept over me. I blinked in disbelief. This couldn't be real. I blinked a few more times, staring at him over and over.

"So she forbade you to see me, and you didn't show up." I concluded with my chest tight and my throat clicking with the dry swallows.

"No. Actually, I broke up with her." He corrected me, quietly.

"What?" I didn't understand, as if my brain short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. Did he just state that he broke up with her? I stared at him again, stupefied.

"Yes!" Logan said, dragging the word into three syllables, a mockery of my reaction. His face crackled into a broad smile, amused.

"Logan, why did you do that?"

He shook the liquid in his glass, watching it. He was reticent, but he seemed at peace with himself.

"It was the right thing to do." He attested.

"Was that what you wanted?"

There was a conflict in his eyes as he faced me, probably over a million different things. A tiny furrow creasing his brow. His gaze turned back to me and he finally spoke.

"I never wanted to hurt her, but I couldn't stand the idea of never see you again." Logan stated.

His words sparked a fire in me. The brief vulnerability in his eyes had claimed me to say something I was afraid to. It had been fleeting, but compelling.

"But…" I hesitated again before mumbling.

"What?" He asked, apprehensively.

"We said goodbye in New Hampshire. That was the point in the first place, right?"

"It's not the same thing, Rory. Saying that we should move on and knowing that I should live in a world that I couldn't never see you again. I couldn't promise her that, or to anyone."

My mouth twitched, and I was pretty sure I was fighting a smile. I didn't want to look pleased, certainly he wasn't that comfortable, but I was blissed out completely. So relieved to hear it that my heart felt close to bursting in pure happiness.

"Why are you blushing?" He questioned, smirking at me.

I knew that if he could see my cheeks burning, he knew how I felt. So I stammered. "I don't know, I think you're trying to play your Huntzberger charm on me."

"Is it working?" His smile and the lightning that flashed so resolutely in his gaze were all the answer he needed.

"Shut up!" I said, bashfully.

"Oh come on, Ace. I'm single now. If the first woman that I make a move turns me down, how do you think my self-esteem will survive?" He replied, feigning to be hurt.

"Yeah… " I giggled. "I'm sure your self-esteem is greatly depreciated." I mocked his drama.

"So… why did you leave me hanging then? Why didn't you send a text, email, Morse code, smoke signal?" I continued.

"It wasn't my intention. I missed the first flight, and I got there late. I saw you talking to a guy. You looked exhausted and I had already screwed up, so I didn't want to bother you. It wasn't fair." He returned to the serious tone, embarrassed.

"You saw me with Jess. So what?"

"I don't know, Ace. The last time all of us were at the same room, things didn't work very well either." Logan explained, taking another sip.

"He'sjust a friend." I replied intuitively, leaving an awkward silence between us again.

"I'm not asking for any explanation, Rory. This is your life, what kind of hypocrite would I be?"

"I know" I realized _I was_ giving him explanations. "I'm saying this because I want to." I corrected myself, although it wasn't true.

"Okay, but I want you to know that if, somehow, you already have something in mind, I understand…"

"I don't." I interjected his fake altruism speech. Logan was my only plan, and I wanted him to know.

"That's good to know." His eyes fell briefly over my entire body leaving me blushing at his insinuation.

"I'm sorry for your engagement, Logan."

"I'm not." He replied, turning all the rest of the liquid down his throat.

"So, does your father know?" I asked.

"Nobody knows yet, you're the first one. No way, would she break the news first. She'd want everyone to know it was all me."

"I don't want to gloat, but I'd kill to see his face when you do."

"Yeah, like "Hey father, you're gonna be a grandpa, by the way, I called the wedding with Odette off and Rory Gilmore is the mother". He's going to leap for joy." Logan said, shaking his empty glass and laughing at himself.

Logan and I had spontaneously burst into informal conversation as we chuckled at our unique situation.

"It seemed funnier in my imagination." He said, raising his eyebrows reflexive.

"Tell me about it! You realize you left your job and you're here having drinks with me in the middle of the day, right?"

"Yeah... That will be my father's latest disappointment with me today." Logan said, pointedly.

"Can't say you're wrong about that." I agreed.

Logan kept his gaze on me, speechless.

Logan rose and sat by my side, cornering me between him and the wall. We were so close that I could hear him breathing. My heart began to pound as he touched my cheek with his fingertips, drawing my face around, so that I had to meet his eyes. It sounded ridiculous, but I was somewhat afraid of being so close to him like that. He intimidated me, more often than I'd like. I looked into his eyes and found the old young Logan, the one I fell in love with. I wondered how it would be like waking up every morning like that.

"What you're doing?" I whispered, knowing that any movement would make us touch.

He smirked at me.

"I'll tell you what, I'll send a car to pick up your stuff in the hotel and take us home. You need a hot shower, change your clothes and have a decent meal. What you think?" He said, curling my hair into his fingers. "Well, I do really need a better coffee than this one." I concluded, pushing the mug away.

"Great!" Logan said, standing up and putting his overcoat on. He reached out his hands to help me get out of the booth and I felt the spark of our fingers interlocking.

"What about the office?"

"It can wait. I want to spend some time with you." He stated, gently squeezing my hands.

"I'm gonna be spoiled like this." I said, with a smile escaping my lips.

He approached me, snuggling me into his arms and kissing me softly on the forehead. He looked to me and finished. "That's the point. Now my priority job is to take care of you and our baby."

His words made me pull in a soft breath, my heart beating fast. He just called the baby; _our baby_. I couldn't lie — that sounded like music to my ears.

He wrapped the warmed coat around my shoulders and we walked together toward the door, joined hands, as if we were back in 2005 once again.

* * *

On the way to his house, I rested my head on Logan as he stroked my arm. I could hear his heart beating wildly in his chest. It was fast at first but the rhythm slowed to a steady hypnotic beat, despite I couldn't tell which heart was louder. I caught myself smiling more than usual. I felt allowed to live this moment. After a few minutes, I looked up and I spotted him giggling quietly.

"What you're laughing about?" I requested to know.

"Oh, nothing..." Logan made some charm. " It's just something I remember reading in your book." He widened his eyes mockingly, simulating my surprise expression.

I froze, my face blushing brilliantly. Did he really read it?

"Did you read my book?" I said, stupefied and hysterically.

Logan started to chuckle, enjoying the situation.

"Of course, Ace. Do you really think I wouldn't? I'm a star in it" He stated, boasting about the huge chapters I spent talking about him.

I frowned as I watched his face of amusement, so I decided to get into his game.

"No, you're not. Morgan is."

"Huh." He was baffled. "Well played."

I smiled convincingly and added. "And what are you laughing about? Is my life funny to you?"

"Not at all, I was just looking at your cute face and I remembered how you broke your first boyfriend's marriage." He scratched his head nonchalantly, trying to mock me. "I have to say, Ace. I wasn't expecting nothing like that from you." He continued, teasing me.

"Why not? I just broke your engagement too." I rebuffed, maliciously.

"Ouch!" Logan dramatically put his hand on his chest, pretending to be hit by a shot. "That was mean!"

"The pleasure is all yours."

"I'm gonna ask for the full custody of the baby, you're such a danger for society."

"Exactly your type." I teased back.

Logan slid his body closer to me, looked into my eyes and cupped my face with his hands.

"Yes indeed!" He answered, seconds before leaning over to kiss me so deeply that I couldn't discern his breath from mine.

* * *

As soon as we arrived at the apartment, I allowed my eyes to run around, searching for familiar details, as if I was scanning a document. It's been a long time since I'd been here, but I still could see the difference. Some furniture seemed to have been reallocated. Obviously I also couldn't see Logan getting interested in Scandinavian decoration or embroidered Façonné cushions.

I was obsessed over the little details, then I saw begonias — they looked dried out and forgotten in the window. It was probably something that Odette left behind.

"Shouldn't you be watering those flowers?" I asked, suspiciously.

"Since when you're an expert in Botany, Ace?" Logan quipped, unbuttoning his coat and emptying his pockets. We barely got here and I was already twisting my nose for everything that could make me remember of _her_ …

"I'm not. I'm just saying if you don't want flowers, what's the point of having it?" My question was tricky and he knew what I was thinking, or at least the direction of my thoughts, but he wouldn't going to ask me.

Logan wrapped his arms around my waist for behind me. He pulled my hair out of my neck and kissed me softly there.

"You're right. Maybe I should, but this specific flower is a little old now, I didn't take care of it enough and it ended up dying. Maybe we should pick a new one because they are beautiful and should be watered daily to maintain its beauty, like ..."

"Love?" I interrupted him, turning around and looking into his eyes. Logan was speechless for a minute, but a grin spread across his face.

"Exactly like love." He completed.

We stared at each other tenderly for a few seconds.

"Well, I think is time for you to rest a little. Take a hot shower while I prepare something for you. What do you think?" He said, fondling my face.

"Sounds Good."

I felt exhausted in every muscle in my body. I got into the shower and let the hot water relax me. A million questions ran through my head. I leaned on the wall and closed my eyes to let them go.

I left the shower and I went into the bedroom. There was a white silk nightdress perfectly stretched lying on the bed waiting for me – hopefully not Odette's. I sat on the bed where Logan and I had made love countless times and I touched the fabric with the tip of my fingers. I felt its softness and smiled at the idea of wearing it.

I put it on and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I caressed my belly and felt the joy of being where I was, doing what I was doing, with who I was with. I didn't notice Logan standing in the door with his legs pulled away from the wall so only his shoulders rested leaning on it. He was holding a coffee mug and watching me, smiling.

"How long you are there?" I asked.

"Long enough." We smiled, as he put the mug in a dresser and came close to me.

"Let me touch it." Logan said, sitting on the bed and resting his hands on my belly.

I caught a glimpsed emotion glimmering in his eyes when he made the first contact with his child. I stroked his blond hair from the neck to the ears as he stared at me transfixed. Logan kissed my belly and rested his face on me, peacefully.

Like a movie in my head, everything started to make sense. The smell of delicious coffee through the apartment, those soft sheets and the touch of Logan. Everything was just like before.

"I missed that smell." I admitted, breathing in.

"So you have a lot of memories from here, huh?" He said, mischievously.

"Yeah, Mr. Do you want to hear them?" I teased him back.

"Hum, maybe I wanna make new memories" He smiled suggestively, rubbing his hands on the back of my thighs, aware that I wasn't using anything else underneath the nightdress.

I should be literally excited to hear this, but I wasn't. In fact, I was scared. I tried to slip from his hands, leaving him confused. Logan held me by the hips and brought me back to meet his face.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his eyes clouded.

"I don't know, Logan". I ran my hands over my face, crossing my arms next. I was trying to protect myself from I didn't know what.

"What's the matter, Ace?"

I stuttered a little while trying to explain myself. "I'm not sure if I want you to see me." My cheeks were burning to the point of pain.

"See you...?" He raised his eyebrows and let a little smirk slip away.

"Naked". He forced me to say the word, even vexed.

"You kidding, right?" Logan giggled as if he had just heard the most ridiculous thing in his life.

"No, I'm serious. Stop laughing." I commanded, elbowing him.

"Okay, I'm not laughing anymore." He was bent over with suppressed laughter.

"Yes you are!" I said, almost mad with his lack of seriousness.

"Rory, I can see you naked anytime."

"Excuse me?" I asked, pulling my head back and looking at him in surprise.

"I mean, I just need to close my eyes like this," He interpreted. "And look, I have a thousand terabytes of naked Rory Gilmore in my mind".

"Oh, shut up!" That was a complete waste of time, so I tried to escape his arms once more, stubbornly.

"No, come back. I'm just joking. What's the problem?" He laughed, holding my wrist.

"The problem is... I'm different, Logan. I am…" I was getting inpatient.

"You're what?" He grimaced.

"Fat! Swollen! Huge in all possible ways." I started to freaking out.

"You're not fat, you're pregnant. It's natural." Logan tried to minimize my anguish.

"I know, but I don't feel good about myself right now. I don't feel pretty, or sexy for you to see me like this." I justified.

Logan shook his head in an emphatic "No" and continued. "You're always pretty and sexy enough for me."

"You're saying this now, but..."

"Rory, I mean it. This is just paranoia in your head." His tone was firm and optimistic, devoid of humor.

"You promise?" I pouted, getting convinced by his bright eyes.

"I would never lie to you, but shame on you rejecting fat people in the 21st century."

I rolled my eyes with those utterly ridiculous jokes. I let my hands ran over his face again as we were attached in this sexy haze. He pulled me closer and touched my body with his soft lips. He started with my belly and was slowly climbing up to breasts, then my neck.

He was standing in front of me, brushing my damp hair back from my face and massaging my temples with his thumbs. He held me tight, passionately kissing me one more time. I lightly moaned in response in his mouth and he smiled in to the kiss without pulling his lips away. I couldn't help but letting him guide my body in the rhythm of his, my nails digging into his shoulders.

Logan laid me down in bed carefully and covered my body with his. The soft friction of the sheets against my heated flesh making me all but writhe for release. I could feel his eyes and it sent heat rippling over my skin.

My body was chilling in every inch he could find, my breath at the same pace as my heart, connected with the sensation of him on me, under me and inside me.

We couldn't take our hands off each other for the rest of the night. We tried the best fit for us and I was delighted with the certainty that there was no place I would rather be right now.

At the dead of night, Logan fell asleep with his arm over me, while we were spooning. I could feel his warm fresh breath touching my ear. I thought about how many empty nights I had before that, feeling unfulfilled by the doubt, and how that moment could make all the pain worth it.

I never was any fan of emotional self-punishment, but I couldn't explain how rewarding the little moments with him could be. I liked what he did; I liked being attached to him somehow; I liked the idea of us having a strong bond for life. Maybe it could be easier if I had walked away and live a life with Paul or any other guy safer, but I could never choose stop feeling like this. That's the problem of being close or away from Logan.

* * *

We were in the kitchen for breakfast at dawn. I was hungry as always and Logan cooked me a full traditional English breakfast. It was amazing and scary how we could fall into old habits so easily.

Logan touched his pocket and his phone was ringing. Resigned, he reluctantly reached for his cell phone. He looked down and confusion quickly shot across his face.

"Is your father, right?" I concluded.

Logan sighed. "No, I had several missing calls from him last night, but I'm sure he just wanted to poison my head about you, so I ignored it and simply replied to the messages this morning saying I will take a few days off without further explanations."

"So, who is it?" I waited apprehensive for his words.

"My mother." Logan said, his face blank.

I frowned. "And this is a potential problem? How often does your mother call you?"

The question was weird to me. I could never stay so long without talking to my mother, even living so far away from her. I knew his relationship with his family didn't compare to mine, but still.

"Not very often. Usually she calls me on weekends from a spa to gossip or complain about my father. Our conversations always start and end in the same way, so I wasn't expect she would. I didn't even know she'd be awake."

I nodded, pretending to understand.

"Hi, Mom." Logan answered.

The phone was so loud, even from the doorway I could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Logan, where the hell are you? Why don't you answer your damn phone?" Shira was yelling in his ears. She probably already knew about us.

"Why are you screaming? What's wrong?" He asked in a slow, confused voice.

"Because, I'm with your father in the hospital." She replied, angrily.

Logan cringed, rolling his eyes..

"He may be dying."

 **A/N:** This is my favorite chapter so far, I hope it was yours as well. But you know I'm evil. You have to keep reading to find out if it's going to last! So tell me, do you want to know how the confrontation between Logan and Odette was? Stay tuned, here comes a special chapter. And you still have not left me a review? What does a girl have to do here? :)


	11. Special Chapter - Hot days, Cold beds

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** You thought I'd be gone, right? Not this time. I know I took so long and I suck, BUT, I promise I have a good excuse. Here is the special chapter that I promised, along with almost all the old chapters rewritten. WHAT? That's exactly what you heard. Same story, better writing. It took a little while to rewrite them all. I was going to wait a few more weeks until everything was perfect, but even I couldn't wait anymore.

The bad part is: I'm completely insecure about this story and I don't know if I should continue it, then I've decided to rely on your opinion to make this final decision. So, please, tell me what you think about what I did.

I'd like to thank my new beta, you're amazing!

 **CHAPTER CONTEXT: This chapter was written especially because you, my beloved readers, asked to know how was the final confrontation between Logan and Odette. On the timeline, it occurred between Chapter 7 and Chapter 8, but we couldn't see it through Rory's eyes. This is the only chapter that addresses a past event. The next chapter will continue to follow Rory's POV.**

* * *

SPECIAL CHAPTER – HOT DAYS, COLD BEDS.

* * *

Logan hung up the phone and stretched his body in his sophisticated black executive chair.

Even after a few minutes, he still couldn't put what just happened into words. His gaze was static and overwhelming thoughts popped into his head in a quick succession.

Logan was amazed at how easily he decided to cross the ocean to see Rory again. After pushing his buttons so hard, he told himself it wasn't a big deal. Rory was finally reaching her dream and he felt proud to have helped her get there.

It was okay, that's what people do for those they love, he thought. Logan silently laughed disconcertedly at the last word his mind had put. He didn't really mean it like _love_ , but he was impressed with how much it fit in. Logan rose from his chair and stuffed his now free hands into his coat pockets and headed off towards the office window. His wide view was a scrap of his thoughts. At the top of the building, he could see a lush city, once again painted with a gray sky, but fascinating. He settled in to live there, but sometimes he missed home. His real home.

Logan cautiously surveyed his office again. This was a good room with fancy furniture and unnecessary space, but it reinforced his business importance. _This looks like a place where a president could sign a decree_ , he thought to himself.

Although it had substantial value, none of it was important to him. The truth is that he never worked that much; he has never been as successful as now. Logan was a young man and a respectable successor to a golden throne, but at the same time, he never felt so hollow. He didn't feel comfortable in business meetings, around his family or in his own home.

He'd avoided thinking about it. He would pick up his repressed feelings and lock them in a box, in which the key was thrown away. This was his reality since he became a true Huntzberger. At any sign of a relapse, Logan used his outlets, such as extravagant bourbons or long office hours. The next day would be a new old day.

Determined to get out of this rut, Logan sat down in his chair once more to make another call. This time for his secretary.

"Darla!"

"Yes, Mr Huntzberger." She pronounced.

"I need an urgent ticket to New York. I'm leaving in a couple of days." He commanded.

Darla was mute and Logan couldn't hear her typing anymore. He was so impatient with the urge to buy tickets without further explanations that he almost interpreted her delay as an insubordination sign.

"Sir, in the next two days you have a scheduled meeting with two publishers and a dinner with the president of _The Telegraph_ to discuss new contracts." He heard her flipping through the agenda.

That sounded like a pain in the ass for Logan. _Of course_! He thought. Logan had been so busy thinking about Rory, that he'd completely forgotten his appointments — as if he could remember them all anyway.

"Alright, I need you to reschedule them then." He didn't beat around the bush.

"But Mr. Huntzberger, your father will... " Darla tried to argue.

"I know. I deal with him later, just clear all my appointments for the next few days, and ah, the tickets needs to be overnight." He hung up on her.

Logan knew the consequences of his defiance, but he wasn't so worried about it. The lies that he would have to make up, on the other hand, were eating him up. His father wasn't exactly the problem, but Odette. Among all the nasty things he had to do, hide the truth from her was the worst one. After all this time, Logan still didn't know what to feel about Odette. He knew that what they shared wasn't love. Surely not, but he learned to have some affection for her. She was a good woman, beautiful and sophisticated, but he could never fill the abyss between them, not until he gave up his most intimate secret, at least.

* * *

Tired of thinking too much, Logan went home exhausted by the end of the day. He got at his place praying for his feelings to leave him alone, and he soon found Odette lying in bed reading a book. Avoiding her eyes, he greeted her succinctly and tried to dodge for a shower, but Odette didn't seem to be much in tune with his plans.

"There you are!" Odette said more excited than Logan wanted to deal with.

She took her reading glasses off.

"Yeah ..." He disguised.

"Problems at work?"

"You could say so." Was his first lie.

Decided to sidestep her questions, Logan hurried into the shower, but noticed a pair of arms slip around his body.

"Can I join you?" She said mischievously, her skin sliding across his own.

That would never have been a problem before. Sleeping with beautiful women whom he had no feelings for, was normalcy for Logan. However, guilt progressively reached him. As much he knew this wasn't real, Logan didn't want to be that guy anymore. He tried for a long time to bond with her, but something inside wouldn't let him.

"Well ..." Logan pulled away gently. As much as he tried to be kind, the act spoke for itself. "I'm not in the mood today, not feeling so good. It could be the beginning of the flu maybe." He continued.

Logan closed his eyes reproving himself. Besides being wrong, he knew hiding this secret would require more than a lame excuse.

"I'll tell you what." Logan enounced.

"We can have a more enjoyable evening tomorrow. You can choose any place you want and I'll be in a better mood." He glanced at her disappointed eyes, trying to make it better.

Odette wasn't so excited about the idea. She hoped for some comfort from Logan. As he leaned down, he attempted to meet her lips, but decided to kiss her on the forehead instead, making the moment even more obnoxious for both of them.

Logan started questioning what was wrong with him as he headed to the shower. He made so many questionable choices in a few hours. He was frightened by the Rory's influence in his thoughts and how far he could go to please her in the slightest detail, even for only one day.

* * *

Logan had a bad night's sleep, waking suddenly in small intervals and rolling back and forth on a cold bed, not just because the winter weather.

The next day Logan prepared his things and decided to sneak off the office earlier. He intended to leave a message in his father's mailbox, even though he was a few footsteps away. Mitchum obviously didn't know that Logan had cancelled his appointments, otherwise there would be a long and annoying argument he hadn't come prepared to face. He would already spend that energy at dinner with Odette.

A good meal and some alcohol should be enough to clear the air between them. He knew he had to come up with another plausible story to justify his sudden mysterious trip.

Looking at the clock, he remembered that he agreed to pick her up at home. Odette, as usual, was late. _How much longer will I have to wait?,_ He asked himself, frustrated, as he sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her to finish getting ready.

Odette put on her expensive earrings that had been a gift from Logan and headed toward the bedroom. She was offended when he didn't immediately notice the red low-cut dress at strategic places she set to impress him that night, along with his favorite scent.

She was sure she was doing everything right to fix this inconvenience between them, but feeling rejected as a woman, she didn't hesitate to ask the only question that Logan didn't want to hear.

"Why is there a ready suitcase waiting in your wardrobe?" She fired away, crossing her arms over her chest.

Logan knew he couldn't avoid questioning and would have to be quick on the trigger. Nothing went the way he planned and if Logan were less stubborn, he would have interpreted this as a signal. However, Logan didn't believe in such thing, he believed only in his willingness to see Rory.

"Oh, sure." He scratched his eyebrows in disguise. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before, but I just knew I had to fly home at the last minute. I have an important meeting in a couple days."

"That's weird. I called you today and your phone was surprisingly disconnected, so I called your father to see if everything was okay." She said dangerously as she paced the room.

Logan cringed. "And?"

"Since you were feeling sick yesterday, I asked him about you. He joked you should better be fine, because tomorrow you would have a very important meeting here." She paused dramatically. "In _London_."

"I cancelled this meeting. He must have forgotten." He lied.

"Mitchum, really? He never forgets anything that can bring him money."

"I said I'll fly to New York for an appointment, but I will be back in a couple of days. What's the big deal?" Logan feigned confusion.

"The problem is, you're lying to me. You've lied to me before and I refused to see, but now it's too obvious. What are you hiding?"

"Like what? We live in the same house, you poke my things around, answer my phone..."

"Stop right there! Don't take it out on me." Odette raised her forefinger.

"You know, I think dinner isn't a good idea right now." He started dialing to cancel the reservation at the fancy restaurant.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Odette withered.

Logan continued in silence, avoiding her eyes. Nothing she said seemed strong enough to convince him to break it.

"I know about her." She whispered.

A shiver ran down his spine when he heard her. Tension grew in his face and limbs, his mind replaying her last words.

This was the last thing he expected to hear from her mouth, but deep down he still had some hope of being just a mistake. After all, how could she know about her? he asked himself.

Logan hung up the phone and then turned to face Odette again. "What?"

"Oh, he talks." She quipped.

Logan expected she would yell at him, but she didn't, instead she retreated toward the next room and quickly returned with a thick bundle of paper, that was thrown at the table in front of him.

"What's that?"

"It's a manuscript."

"And?" Logan's eyes clouded over.

"From a book called Gilmore Girls. I think you know what it's all about, because it was written by your friend, Rory Gilmore, the one who called here a few days ago." She squinted at him through hardened eyes that once had been his friends, but now they brought only the accusations of a hurting woman.

"I know. I did her a favor with the publisher, and…"

"I'm not done." Odette interjected.

"Not that you care, but I've spent the whole afternoon reading this book and I can tell you it's very well written. I must say that the girl has talent, but what really impressed me were the details about her life, specially her love life. You know, Logan, in chapter 10 she introduces a wealthy blond media empire heir that she dated at Yale."

There was silence.

"You're not going to say anything?" She insisted.

"That's truth. We used to date 10 years ago." He felt cornered. What else was he supposed to do? He'd never touched the Rory subject with anyone before and this was a dangerous territory.

"Rory Gilmore is not a _friend_ ; she's your ex-girlfriend. She's someone you've been in a relationship for 3 years, you lived with her, you even asked her to marry you for God sake. Now everything makes sense. Is that your problem, Logan? Can't you let her go because she's the one who got away?" She could see her pain mirrored in his brown eyes.

Logan opened his mouth several times to try to make a sentence, but he just didn't know what to say, so he just stood there. He didn't have the right answer. In fact, he couldn't even clarify that for himself. Was that how he felt about Rory? Was he obsessed with having her just to prove himself? She rejected him, he got hurt, but she returned his feelings passionately every time they were together since. Logan knew it wasn't the right time for reflection, so he faced Odette again.

There was no trace of tears, not in her eyes or in track marks on her reddening face. Her eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. That's when Logan realized he was screwed.

Odette took a deep breath and exhaled in disbelief. She rested her hands on her hips and looked up to contain the anger boiling deep in her system. Swallowing her discomfort, she asked the only question that had plagued her for the last hours.

"Are you sleeping with her?"

"No." He answered bitterly. Although not a lie, still a dirty truth.

"Stop lying to me!" She demanded. Angry eyes were just the start, then came the strut, the slamming and the clipped words. "You're going there to see her, aren't you? She is the important thing you have to _do_. How can you deny it?" Odette lost her temper and shouted at him feeling utterly helpless inside.

"Because you're asking the wrong questions." He finally admitted stiffly.

"Oh! So how long did it last?" She rephrased.

"3 Years." He spat.

"Did you cheat on me?" Tiny bubbles of froth were almost forming at the corners of her mouth while she waited, eager for his answer.

"Odette…"

"DID. YOU. CHEAT. ON. ME? That's an easy question, Logan". She screamed ignoring his attempt to smooth things over and made sure he would listen carefully every word she uttered.

"Yes." He gave up, feeling ashamed.

Logan sighed. She looked so vulnerable that he felt disgusted with himself. The guilt was ice cold in his guts. It could be a hundred degrees out and he'd still be frozen on the inside.

"I'm sorry." He really was, though he sounded pathetic. With so many things he could say, that was the best he could do.

She remained as still as a cadaver and just as pallid, unblinking against his face. Logan tried to predict what he should do, but nothing seemed to be able to fix it.

Logan noticed that the first tears had begun to ooze out of Odette's eyes. She cried out desperately and buried her face in her hands. Logan tried to move toward her, but she turned her back on him and walked away.

He followed her into the next room, not letting the conversation end like that. Odette shouted for him to leave, but Logan didn't obey.

"You can't just walk away from me now."

She didn't listen, until she had nowhere else to go inside the apartment.

"Look, Odette. I want you to know I never planned all this. She is someone who has been in my life for so long and this thing between us started again before I met you. Moreover, when things got serious with us, I didn't know when to stop. I'm not trying to excuse myself. I messed up. I know there's nothing that can be done to make it right, but I never wanted to hurt you." He argued sincerely.

"But you did." She yelled at him.

"I know…" He dropped his head.

"I don't want you to see her ever again."

"What?" He was confused

"You heard me. I don't want you to be around this woman _ever_ again. She is ruining us Logan, can't you see? Promise me you won't lie to me again."

"I do, but no."

"What did you say?"

"I said I promise I'll never lie to you again, but I can't do the rest."

"You don't understand! You have to, there's no other way." She demanded drying the tears left on her cheeks, desperate to hear his answer, although she already knew.

Logan was conflicted. He didn't want to do something that could hurt her further, but he couldn't lie anymore. Realizing that the answer wouldn't come, Odette despaired even more and approached Logan.

"Just tell me that it meant nothing to you." She begged.

Logan drew in a long breath before saying something with no return.

"I can't. He paused. "It would make me break the promise I just made you." He said dejectedly., closing his eyes.

Logan's gaze was hard, but sad. She waited for a few seconds to process the information until it dawned on her.

"Oh my God!" She murmured the sentence repeatedly and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Is that what you really want? Pretend we can get over this? Be unhappy forever, just like my parents? This isn't fair to any of us. Odette, we can't talk to each other, we haven't had sex for weeks."

"You mean, _I_ haven't have sex for weeks." She taunted him.

"Fine." Logan rolled his eyes. "I said I'm not sleeping with anyone else. Whatever happened between Rory and I, has been over for months now. Surely it is not possible that you have never realized that there is something seriously wrong here. With us." He motioned his finger between them.

"No Logan, there's something wrong with _you_. I never felt that you really wanted me here. You never asked me to marry you, you went along with when I suggested. You never opened up to me about your past. You have mysterious phone calls. Every time you traveled mysteriously, you avoided touching me for weeks. This is your entire fault, not mine." She made a list of Logan's mistakes counting on his fingers.

"You are so right. There is and I can't explain. That's why I can't marry you, Odette. This would just simply never work."

"So you're calling our wedding off for _her_?" She pointed out the room where the manuscript was.

"No. I'm calling off for _us_." Carefully spoken, his words had an air of finality to them.

He never argued with his fists but his words packed a powerful punch. She knew instantly from the look in his eyes that they'd hit their mark. In that instant, their relationship shattered into glassy shards. No matter how hard she railed against it, nothing would change his mind.

The tears came incessantly down her face. She couldn't believe that was happening.

"You know what? I don't think I ever want to see you again. The man I thought you were, would beat the crap out of the man you really are." She spat.

Odette pulled on her coat and grabbed her purse, moving toward the door.

"Where are you going? It's late and pitch black outside it can get dangerous out there." He pleaded, but his concern sounded ridiculous to her.

"Nothing can hurt me like you did, Logan. I'll be safer away from you."

"So I'll leave, I can spend a few days at the hotel, you stay here."

"No!" She interjected. "I don't want to stay here for another minute. I'll send someone to get my things." She opened the door and looked back for the last words Logan would hear coming from her mouth.

"And, Logan… I really hope you get her someday and she won't reject you this time." Odette used the sheer irony. Then, she shut the door behind her for the last time. Inside she was a mess and hoped that Logan would suffer just as she did.

Logan was devastated. He was broken now, shattered really, robbed early of the tape and glue necessary to put his soul back together. He was the one who did everything wrong, but suffered like a victim. He couldn't understand why he let himself break the heart of the two women in his life. He threw himself into bed, lamenting that he failed to have the guts to make a fair decision and sparing them from this mess.

Should he never start seeing Rory again or should he never have started with Odette? The two represented different versions of himself and he lost both. The truth is that the more he thought, the more he concluded that he sucked. He wanted to blame his family for making a lousy choice, but deep down he knew he was just angry with himself.

Although Odette had said harsh words before leaving him forever, it was ironic that he really wanted what she said. He really wanted to get _her_ one day. Logan's mind was like a lost man at sea, desperate and starving for some reason to live. He got his lazy body up and headed toward the table. He was having second thoughts about reading the pages in front of him, but if he were to be fair with his feelings, this was a good time to start. If all went wrong, he could risk what had left from his credibility with Rory and regress years in his relationship with his father. On the other hand, if all went well, he could have everything he always wanted since he was a young boy in love for the first time.

Logan flipped through the pages until he found it. He needed to know how she felt and he was about to — _Chapter 10: Lorelai's first day at Yale._

 **A/N:** PS. I'm dying to know what you think. Is that how you pictured Odette?


	12. Chapter 11 - Loud and Clear

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** Well, you already know that I'm a slow writer. The good part is that I am a legitimate perfectionist, so all the old chapters are officially rewritten and updated. Yay!Thank you for all the reviews sent to the last chapter, you guys are really amazing and thanks for keep reading.  
This chapter will be a little quieter, but it is very important to the final course. Sadly I must say this story is heading towards the end and we should have less than 5 chapters left. I hope you have fun til there and please continue to leave me your feedback.

 **CHAPTER CONTEXT:** After the previous special chapter, we return to Rory's POV. This chapter takes place immediately after Chapter 10.

* * *

CHAPTER 11 - LOUD AND CLEAR

* * *

I'd never been very good at subtleties, maybe an inheritance from my mother. Seeing Mitchum in this situation brought me conflicting feelings. Obviously, I didn't wish him the worst, but I felt a pile of nothing towards him. Nothing, except for Logan.

This atypical morning started very well, but ended up leading us toward the hospital. Logan didn't try to communicate with anyone else, instead, he was the most miserable person driving a Porsche. In my mind, I was a constant reminder of how disappointed his father would be, possibly during the last moments of his life. So, I said nothing.

My first impression upon entering the hospital was dazzling and a little scary. How can someone die surrounded by the best? That was the frightening contrast: behind this luxurious waiting room people were facing their last minutes of life. Logan's tired eyes reflected exactly the same impotence; they hadn't shed a tear so far, but inside were lost in sorrow.

I avoided touching him as we walked in the long white aisles with exaggeratedly bright lights. I tried to ignore the feeling that no one wanted me there; instead, I just focused on figuring out if they already knew about me, but I just assumed it was so irrelevant that it would go unnoticed. Why would they be talking about me?

I saw two blonde women — dressed from head to heels in light tones — talking to a doctor. It was a long time ago, but I could easily see that it was Honor next to his mother. She held a beautiful baby in her lap as she listened intently.

Logan stepped in front of me and hugged his mother tightly, then his sister. Shira avoided looking me in the eye, while Honor greeted me politely. The petrified look could mean many things, but it led me to the conclusion that they knew. Feeling the coldness between us, I decided to sit and let Logan be comfortable with his family.

* * *

3 hours and 10 coffees later, I still sat patiently in the waiting room, updated with all gossip I could store without irreversible brain damage. The conversations around me were depressing, going from wounded people to terminal illnesses. I felt hungry and my bladder wasn't willing to give me a break, so I prepared myself to leave. Although I was worried about how Logan would interpret my attitude, I needed to rest and I was not being useful there. Logan had checked me out about 3 times so far and brought me some snacks, but I felt like I shouldn't bother him with anything. I was getting ready to leave and say goodbye, but Honor approached me with a promising smelling package that I assumed was food.

She sat down by my side gently offering the paper bag. On another occasion, maybe I would have been embarrassed to accept it, but not this time.

"Here. I assumed you would like some food right now. It's not like it's a big meal, but it might help."

"Thanks! That's very sweet of you." I mentally thanked all the gods inside for that moment while I reached out Honor's gift.

"You're welcome.", I enjoyed the sandwich. Chewing became an excuse for my lack of creativity to start a subject. Talk about Logan or the baby would be too awkward, so I decided to keep quiet. The dilemma was there until she broke the silence. "This is Jake, my youngest son." She said, pointing to the stroller she carried.

"Hi, Jake!" I said to the beautiful child in front of me. "He's beautiful. How old is he?".

"He's turning one in a few months, but we also have two girls older. Sophie, 9, and Delilah, 5.", She leaned over to show me the screen saver of her cell phone. The photo seemed to have come out of a margarine commercial, it was so perfect. The ultimate family photo.

"Wow, it looks like you and Josh built a beautiful family. Congratulations!"

"Yes, thank you ... Just as you and Logan are about to do." She warmed up the subject leaving me goosebumps.

"Maybe ..." I said quietly. A silence hovered over us.

"Look, Honor. I have no intention of causing any trouble in your family, I just ... "

"Rory, it's okay. I'm not here to judge you. To be honest, I'm not too surprised by that." She interrupted me gently touching my thigh with a slight smile on her face, as a gesture of comfort.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, I just kind of already knew. Or felt it. " Honor shrugged her shoulders.

"How?" Her words were so unexpected that I left my last bites of sandwich left forgotten in my hands.

"A few weeks ago, Logan came to visit me for the weekend and I let it slip about your book. From his reaction, I realized he wasn't that surprised, which made me believe that you were in touch somehow."

"Oh… and did you read my book?" I probed, trying to predict if she knew some sordid detail.

"Not yet, but now something tells me that I should order my copy right now." A little grin was on her face.

I felt comfortable with her while we laughed at my sudden suspicious reaction. I always liked Honor; I had forgotten how great she could be.

"But in spite of that, I must say that it wouldn't be necessary. I saw in his eyes that there was something, I wasn't sure until my dad called freaking out last night, just like a decade ago. Deep down I always knew." She continued.

"Knew what?" I asked just because I wanted to hear her say.

"That somehow, you were the one he's always been looking for." I sighed and she continued. "Don't get me wrong, my brother has dated many girls, but none have been like you. Odette was fine, but she wasn't like you." She paused and choked on her own emotion. "He will need you more than ever. Please be with him."

"I want to be, but don't you think your father will pull through this? I mean, there's nothing that can be done, he's got so much ..."

"Money? Influence?" Honor lamented as she shook her head.

"I was going to say resources, but it fits." I nodded whilst raising my eyebrows in agreement.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you this way again, but it won't save him, Rory. Not even money can do it." A cliché is a cliché for a reason, I thought.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Honor." I reached out her hand and laced our fingers together without thinking first. When the idea of how inappropriate that could be came to mind, it was too late and I was already doing it. I was afraid she would reject me, but she held it and squeezed it back instead.

We were silent for a minute and she wiped away a few lost tears. I knew how was like pretending to be fine. The silence stretched on and she finally spoke again.

"Well, I should go look for some news." She said getting up and looking overwrought. She must not have slept a minute that night, and Jake seemed to have given up using his batteries.

"You can go; I'll stay with him for a while."

"Really? Would you do that?" Honor sighed, relieved, still recovering.

"Of course! You need a moment for your thoughts, and besides, a little baby training wouldn't hurt, right?" I looked at the harmless baby in the stroller.

She smiled awkwardly for a moment hesitating leaving her son, but somehow, she decided to trust me and I thanked her for it.

"OK! I think this works for me. Thank you, Rory."

I realized how crazy I was as I watched her walk away. Although I had read all the pregnancy books, I still had no experience in actually taking care of one, and I had just offered myself to do it. Jake sensed his mother's absence and soon started to cry after her departure, putting me totally in the spotlight. The crowded reception of worried visitors, cast me annoyed side glances, thinking I was somehow responsible for the baby's irritation.

 _Great_ , I thought. A pregnant woman who didn't know what to do. I grabbed Jake gently from his stroller and started to lull him to sleep, begging him to pity me and eventually calm down. I tried to remember all the childhood songs my mother used to sing, but nothing came into my head. When nothing else was working, I saw Logan approaching us.

"Hey, what's going on?" He murmured, playing with Jake's little feet.

"Ah ... I offered to take care of him so Honor could rest for a while, but it turns out I suck at it and I don't know what to do ..." My voice was thick with panic and anxiety. The staring bystanders had started to move their eyes away from our little exchange to get on with their own thoughts.

"Relax, Ace. Just give him to me." Logan waited for me to hand him his nephew with outstretched hands. At first, I thought it was some kind of joke, after all, when would Logan Huntzberger ever risk having his designer cloths drooled on by a baby? It wasn't plausible that.

"Wow!" I let my surprise slip aloud.

The way they looked at each was lovingly, like there was intimacy between them. The baby's laugh was a beautiful sound. I was hypnotized; Logan smirked to me in amusement at my adoration and astonishment.

"What?"

"Nothing ... I'm just having fun with you discovering my skills" He said nonchalantly.

"You make it look so easy. How do you do that?"

"Well, I used to help Honor take care of the kids on the weekends."

"No Logan, seriously… How?"

"Your surprise hurts me, Gilmore."

"You must be kidding."

"I certainly am not."

I was waiting for him to deny his newfound skills and laugh at me, but he didn't. Instead, he was cradling the baby, who was leaning against his chest.

"Oh my God. You're really telling the truth, right?"

He chuckled softly and answered me with a small nod as his hand propped Jake's head and led him back to the stroller.

Whilst he tended to him, a very elderly lady approached us with a serene smile on her face and took us aback with her observations.

"Your husband is a great father. You are very lucky!"

I felt my jaw drop at least twice between the quick glances I exchanged with Logan. Although this happened for a fraction of a second, my uncomfortable mood was loud and clear and I could swear that Logan was somehow only further amused by the situation.

Logan took the control and decided to speak for me. "Thank you!" He replied with his charming smile and wrapping his arm around my shoulders, hugging me closer to himself. I smiled; embarrassed as the woman walked away, muttering about how we reminded her of her own young family, sixty years ago.

Logan stood up and began to push the stroller with one hand, leading me with the other, towards the hall. We said nothing on the way, but I was relieved that it was not a big deal to him to try and fill the silence.

I knew we couldn't avoid it for a long time, but my job was to keep him comfortable, instead of bringing more problems. He was struggling to keep it together such as the last time I visited him in a hospital, 11 years ago.

"So how's your dad?" I took the guts to ask, stroking his arm.

"Well ..." Logan scratched his head in reflection just out of habit. I could see the words trying to form in his mouth as he carefully chose them. "It's not as bad as I thought, but it's not good either." He spat.

"And that means ...?" I bowed my head waiting for a more detailed explanation.

"He is sedated and must be hospitalized for some time. He still has some treatment options, which is the good news, but even then the odds are low, which is bad." Logan said crashing his tired body in the chair, breathing deeply.

"I'm sorry, Logan." Even though I knew I couldn't help him, I tried to show my comfort patting him soothingly on the back. He smiled politely at me, but then he returned to his sad face.

"What's the diagnosis?" I continued.

Logan sighed. "Stage 3 Leukemia increased by anemia, with enlarged lymph nodes and some malfunction in the liver."

 _Oh my God!_ I thought to myself. It seemed like a bad scene, but I tried to hide the inner discouragement to keep him strong.

"And what can you do about it?" I whispered, disguising the fright in my voice.

"Ah ..." Logan massaged the back of his neck as he continued. "I convinced my mother that he can't take anymore decisions, so she signed the papers authorizing the immunotherapy treatment. It may not be a final solution, but at least it will give us a little more time. She's pretty shaken up. It's been really hard for her too. "

I was preparing to comment, but then Shira interrupted us.

"Logan, can I speak with you for a minute?" She fumed.

"Yes…" He rose from his seat.

"In private." She said sending a venomous look toward me.

"Mother, you don't have to ..." Logan closed his eyes as he prepared to start an argument. I couldn't allow that to happen, so I interrupted.

"It's okay." I said. I was the problem bothering Shira. I knew it, and so did he, so I decided to spare him another stress.

He looked at me, gauging my emotions, but instead I just nodded to reaffirm my decision.

Logan and his mother pulled away, but I could still see her face melting with anger. Logan had his back to me leaning against the wall while his mother spoke biting her tongue with such irritation. Eventually she threw stormy glances at me, taking turns between my face and my belly.

That was more than I was willing to put up with. I knew it wouldn't be easy to face the Huntzerbergers' nest in their habitat, but Shira's negativity was starting to hurt me. I knew she was suffering and probably didn't intend to inflict half the rudeness and negativity she was doing, after all, fake smile have always been her trademark. However, not even Shira was in the mood to pretend anymore, so I packed my things and put on my coat, ready to go.

The afternoon came; I still needed a good meal and a decent night's sleep before my flight back home in the evening. I wanted to think about Logan too, but I felt guilty about living this precarious routine. I punished myself with the idea that I was not treating my baby properly.

After much discussion, Logan seemed defeated by the fatigue of arguing with Shira and returned to me. He wanted to tell me something about the conversation, but I didn't care about his mother's words anymore

"I guess I should leave." I spat.

"Right ... I imagine that you need to rest." He rubbed his hands over his weary eyes.

"So do you." I said, grabbing his hand gently.

"Yeah, but we'll take care of you first. I'll take you home ..." He picked up his coat.

"Logan, wait. I mean I think I should go home. In Stars Hollow." I gave him a mirthless smile, knowing deep down that it wasn't what either of us really wanted.

"Wait, why?" Logan reacted in protest.

"I got the feeling you really need to stay with them right now. Besides, I have some appointments with Dr. Frank and I promised my mother we were going shopping for the baby this weekend. I can't say she's not excited about it." I smiled, tenderness filling my eyes.

Logan moved closer and pulled me toward him. "Will these purchases be in pink or blue?" He said softly, relaxing his shoulders and smiling at me.

I couldn't stop the big involuntary smile that stretched across my face.

"I don't know yet." I said, wrapping my fingers in the collar of his shirt.

Logan moved even closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Maybe we can find out together."

"Really?" I cocked my head back resting my palms on his chest.

"You surprise keeps hurting me, Gilmore." He said mockingly, feigning a hurt expression.

"I'll keep in mind." I smirked in return.

"I was waiting for a better moment to tell you this, but I want to be fully involved. You're giving me best thing in my entire life." He paused for a second and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I really feel that I shouldn't let you go back, but I won't push you with that decision." His eyes glittered as they met mine.

My heart throbbed and chills ran down my spine.

"I really appreciate it, Logan, I want it too, but now I need my family's support and you need to be there for yours. Besides, my flight is already scheduled for tonight. I had even thought about postponing it, but I don't think it's the best option now. We'll have time, right?" My hands ran up his chest, bringing them over his shoulders and to the nape of his neck.

Logan nodded his head in agreement even though he wasn't happy about it. He moved away from me and his agitated hands filled his pocket. He didn't seem willing to trying to convince me anymore.

"All right." He seemed disappointed, but deep down he knew I was right.

"I'm calling a car to take you and it should be here in 5 minutes, but Rory…" He held my hand gently. "I want you to promise that we'll continue this later." He gazed into my eyes.

"I promise; I'll keep you in the loop." I lifted my right hand, mimicking an oath. His eyes crinkled when he smiled. That beautiful one I couldn't resist.

"Okay, Ace, but I'm not just talking about this part." He mischievously smiled.

"What are you talking about then?" I demanded, almost asphyxiated by the closeness of our bodies.

Without another word, he kissed me passionately. I almost felt my legs fail, but his arms protected me by holding me tight, keeping me safely upright

"We didn't end _this_." He finally said when we resurfaced. My heart hammered at the suggestion that besides the baby, there was an _us_.

"Well observed." I reacted, still numbed by the electricity between us, when Logan's cell phone rang.

"Are you sure about that?" He said, checking the device and seeing the car had arrived and was waiting outside.

"Yes. Don't worry. I'll be fine." I confirmed, regaining myself.

"Fine. Will you call me when you get there?" He shone me a brilliant pair of puppy-like eyes.

"Absolutely." I smiled.

"Okay." Logan leaned over and kissed me again, hugging me tight next. I let my body relax and I rested my chin on his shoulder as I hugged him back.

"I'll walk you out." Logan started to lead me towards the nearest exit, when we heard a frantic voice calling him back.

We glanced back and to see Honor rushing towards us.

"Hi, did you come to pick up Jake?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows in response to her hurried look.

"Not really, I mean, that too, but the doctor wants to see the two of us immediately."

"Just us?" Logan repeated, confused and wrinkling his forehead.

"Apparently yes!" Tired, she rested a hand on her hip.

Honor was sharp in her words as she took control of her son's stroller once again. The sudden message left Logan undecided on whether he should see me out first or follow Honor.

"I'm fine, Logan. I can go by myself. I promise to call you when I get there." I decided for him and placed another peck on his lips.

From the concerned look she held, I didn't want Logan to feel obligated to do something for me, it was my turn to do something for him.

"Alright then." He finally agreed.

"Goodbye then.", Embarrassed for kissing him in front of her sister, I just hugged him this time, taking my purse and leaving. Before turning around, I scanned the place looking for Shira, but she wasn't there. I wondered at what point she decided to get away from us. It wouldn't surprise me if it was from seeing our kiss.

* * *

Remembering the last two days, could not say it was tedious. There was a lot of information to process and my mind stayed busy on the short path to the vehicle. Towards the end, I spotted Shira sitting on the front steps, smoking a cigarette. I didn't know if ignoring her would have been the best option, but she did was the one who approached me.

"You're leaving already, huh?" The fake smile had finally show up.

"I have a flight to catch." I gave her no further explanation and made it clear my lack of interest of to continue that conversation.

"You're not good enough for him, you know. He didn't see it then, he doesn't now, but soon he will." She scowled, looking tempted to slap me.

I wasn't willing to take something lying down. I knew I could regret some words, but I would definitely regret even more if I didn't say them.

"Then you have nothing to worry about, right?", I stared back at her as she swallowed her next words.

Shira certainly didn't expect to hear that. She wasn't sure what she was saying, just trying to hurt me the way she was hurting. She was lashing out, determined to cause misery wherever she went.

Her smoke polluted the air. The cold wind brought it to me to the point of making me sick.

"You're bold, Gilmore. So is your mother and grandmother. Sadly, both are lonely and unhappy women without someone at her side. " She tried to poison me with her vile words, each letter and syllable dripping with hate.

"No, that's you. You are a sad lonely woman who has never been loved by your husband. Unlike my grandmother and my mother. " I hissed, earning a gasp from her.

She didn't answer, I just watched the anger consuming her from inside. I almost felt sorry for her.

"Look, I'm going to save you some time and wish you well. I know you're hurting now and I'm sorry. Although you didn't have the dignity to call my grandmother when my grandfather passed away, and you're here vilifying her, I will not be like you. Logan doesn't deserve this."

Before I stormed out to the waiting car, I had one last thing choked up inside me and it was the perfect time to say it.

"By the way, you're going to be a grandmother again. You better live with it."

Without further ado I headed to the car, slamming the door behind me and directing him back to the apartment. I couldn't lie, I was a little pleased that I'd taken those words from my chest. Now I was sure that no one could stand in our way if we didn't let them.

* * *

Confident, I got back home and the whole flight went unnoticed under my fatigue. I knew I would be home at dawn and my mom would be sleeping, so I stepped into the house carefully not to make any noise or even wake up Paul Anka. I collapsed on my bed without taking off my clothes in a deep, heavy sleep.

The next morning, I woke up calmly. I stretched my muscles and felt my body relax with no rushing to get up. It seemed like everything was right in my world again until I run my hands over the soft sheets and feel a weird damp next to me. Suspicious, I looked at the tips of my fingers and my eyes went wide. I felt a fear that couldn't compare to anything filling me. I screamed in panic and woke up the whole house, with my mother appearing at the doorway after skidding down the hall from her room.

"Rory, what's wrong?" She entered the room flustered, still half asleep.

"Mom, I'm bleeding."

 **A/N:** Scary end, huh? Luckily I already have the next chapter written and I won't leave you waiting too long. That would be mean, right? Please tell me what you think.


	13. Chapter 12 - Fresh News

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.

 **A/N:** You are not dreaming! I am really updating this story in a reasonably respectable period of time. How proud are you of me? To my dear readers, who asked me, I won't stop updating this story, even now that I am writing two Rogan stories. Thank you to those who are already following "Until I Heal" too. ❤

This is a short chapter for my standards, I know, but it's another necessary filler. You guys will understand soon, so I hope you don't get too used to the slow pace. As always, feedback is appreciated.

* * *

CHAPTER 12 – FRESH NEWS

* * *

Chapter 12 – Fresh news.

By the time we got to the hospital, it was raining like crazy.

I was laying within the curtained cubical, examining the polystyrene tiled ceiling. There was nothing else to look at, except an assortment of machines around me. I could hear the doctors and nurses whispering to one another down the hall, but still no sign.

My Mom held my hand with a firm grip. We were both scared. The results of my exams were still a mystery, so I was still in the dark. I watched every room detail becoming a torture at the same pace as Mom's feet tapped impatiently.

The doctor walked in with a face like a brick. His movements were sharp and with purpose, he analyzed the chart for a few seconds and looked up with a perfunctory smile flashed for just a moment, like professionals do. I could never relax around such expressions. I needed a genuine face, preferably a smile, but if not - I'd really rather they didn't fake it.

My heart grew so heavy with anguish and despair, that I sank emotionally to the ground.

"So, Ms... Gilmore." He was looking for my name on his file. "I have news for your case."

Lorelai sighed. She was fed up with all the stalling and interjected. "Listen, Doc. I don't mean to be rude, but can we move straight to the point?" She asked, with an award-winning smile.

The doctor rose his brows in apathy. "All right..." And continued. "The tests results showed nothing you should be concerned about." He affirmed in a calm tone and Lorelai and I exchanged a glance that assured me we were feeling the same empty hopelessness.

I gasped as I spoke, but I didn't believe his words. "Are you sure, because I really think…"

The doctor looked tired, perhaps for many hours at a time on duty. His faced ghosted eyes with dark circles and a stiff upper lip. "I can assure you that the bleeding is not related to a miscarriage, placental abruption or ectopic pregnancy. You also have no sign of any STDs or infections, however as this is a pregnancy migrating from the second to the third semester, we should investigate more calmly." He finished, glancing between the both of us.

"All right." I said, watching Mom's eyes reflecting the same insecurity.

The doctor pretended not to notice and continued.

"I will ask you some questions and I need you to answer honestly so that we can get to the best possible diagnosis."

"Okay." I nodded.

"In the past 48 hours, did you smoke?"

"I'm not a smoker." I claimed.

"Did you drink alcohol or consume any raw foods?"

"No..."

"Have you overdone caffeine?"

"Not as much as I wished." I joked. It fell as flat as my enthusiasm on the floor.

He looked at me with his dazed eyes, clearly reproving my answer.

"I'm kidding. No."

"Have you had sexual intercourse within the past few days?"

"Yes..." I said coyly, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Lorelai's eyes turned to me briefly, but I caught the hidden joke in them. She scratched her nose and let a wry smile touch her eyes, the corners of her mouth.

"Sexual activity is recommended, mainly because it brings benefits to the childbirth, but it must have moderate intensity, since the birth canal becomes more sensitive from now on." The doctor warned, holding the clipboard against his body.

"Got it!" I nodded, trying to hide my lobster red cheeks.

"Well," he said. " We have no reason to believe there are any current immediate threats to the baby, I recommend that you come back in a couple days for a few more tests just to be sure. You're free to go for now."

He saluted us politely one more time and withdrew from the curtained cubicle to see his next patient. I could finally breathe. It was a mixture of relief and a willingness to get better. I could see that my mother felt the same way by the pressure with which she held my hand as the doctor spoke.

My mother collected my few belongings while I dressed. It was a relief to finally walk through those doors on the way home.

* * *

"What a jerk!" Lorelai exclaimed testily.

I rose my eyebrows in assent. "I know. I should call Dr. Frank. He was out the town, but I'll make an appointment just to be sure."

Mom blanched at my suggestion "I also don't like this man."

"Why? He brought you to the world." I argued.

"Exactly! He took me out of the warm spot and handed me naked, covered in blood to Emily Gilmore. Watch your back with this one." She said, dismissively.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be so dramatic."

"I swear! Every time he looks at me, I swear that he secretly grins evilly. He knows it." She remarked, pulling into the driveway and climbing out of the car.

"Alright, Mom." I muttered back as I made my way inside the house.

"So…" Lorelai kept following me from room to room. I knew deep down that the woman would not leave me alone, until she had all the information she wanted.

I turned around to meet her expectantly eyes. "What?"

"Aren't you going to tell me what happened on your British honeymoon?" She teased, eyebrows raising

I wrinkled my nose. "There was no honeymoon, Mom."

"That's not what doctor grumpy said." She stated, sending a cheesy grin toward me.

"Fine, Mom. We had sex, but things are still weird." I gasped.

"How? It sounds very nice to me." She sneered.

I knew that conversation could take hours, so I sat on the bed and invited my mother to sit next to me, preparing me to sum up.

"Well, just to get start, Mitchum saw that I was pregnant before Logan."

She widened her eyes and allowed her mouth to fall open, pretending my words frightened her. "How?" She asked.

"I overslept, so I went to Logan's office and stepped in the wrong office."

"Oh, Rory."

"Yeah, then obviously he was a jerk to me and I lost it, Mom. We were both totally over the line and we had an awful fight." I shook my head repeatedly with the memory, echoing in my head.

"What did you do?" She asked.

"I ran away. I was so lost that I left. Logan came after me and we met at this bar we used to go together. Then he saw me and just knew it."

I watched her, expectantly, eyes burning in curiosity as she knelt on the bed. "And?"

"He was shocked at first, but then he seemed fine with it."

"And…?" She pressed me to quicken the story, moving her hands.

I gulped, tried not to speak too quickly as I replied. "And I spent the night in his place."

Lorelai folder her arms judgmentally. I knew she was about to lecture me somehow. "What about his fiancé?"

"They broke up." I said, relieved and watching her features shift into disrepute.

"Shut up!" She was shocked and started fumbling for words.

"Yeah" I chortled slightly. I simply couldn't help myself, it sounded very good to my ears. Until she asked _the question_ that I was afraid to hear.

"So where does this leave you two?"

I reflected, lowering my head. I opened my mouth a few times before I started, but I could only say the obvious. "I don't know, we didn't have the time to talk about it."

"Really? But you had the time to other things." She said, sarcastically.

"It's not like that, Mom. We would spend the day together and I'd considering staying there longer, but I couldn't." I explained.

"So it begins…" She murmured.

I frowned at her veiled complaint. "What?"

"You, getting all cozy with Mr. Grey. Then you are all society and as soon as I blink, you'd be leaving me again." Lorelai whined.

"I would not." I protested, indignant to her accusation.

"Right, because you never did that before." She mocked.

"Seriously, Mom?"

"I'm just saying I'm so afraid of you entering to that family, kiddo. They are mean and how would treat your baby? And you!" She argued, holding my hand.

"I know, I am too. I mean, Logan and I didn't talk about the future. Mitchum is very sick."

"Really?"

"Yes, he is in hospital right now. I left because I knew Logan had things to do. Oh crap!" I said way too loud, slapping my forehead.

Lorelai went rigid. "What?"

"I just remembered that I promised I'd call him and I haven't. He must be worried sick."

Lorelai nodded. "You better call him now."

"I know. He said he wanted to be there for the baby, Mom. He seemed so happy, so content and ready." I said, with watery eyes.

"That's great, Hon." She stated, her tone soft.

I smiled heartily. "And then, he said we should keep talking about us."

"Well then. I promise I'll give him a chance."

"Thank you, Mom."

"Now go call him!"

"Right!"

* * *

"Rory?" Logan answered his phone, his voice apprehensive and thick with exhaustion and stress.

"Hi, Logan. I'm sorry I haven't call you before."

He sighed in relief, but his voice still seemed a little stiff. "I left you several messages."

"Sorry, I was just…" I paused my words, knowing that depending on what I said, it might make him even tenser.

"What?" He asked me.

"Nothing, something just came up. I'm so sorry."

Logan fell silent for a minute as if attempting to accept my answer. "OK."

"So, how you're holding up?"

"Ah…" His voice trailed the word.

"It doesn't sound good." I remarked.

"Well, in a few minutes I'm going to test compatibility. He may have some chance through a transplant."

"Are you nervous?" I cursed at the moment the words came out of my mouth. What kind of stupid question was that?

"Easy to notice?" He said, playfully disturbed.

"It will be all right, you'll see."

"I hope so. I have to go now, they're calling me." His voice seemed a little absent, and I knew it wasn't the best time to continue that conversation.

"Right. Good luck."

"Thanks. And thank you for calling." He said.

"Sure. Will you let me know of the results?" I asked.

"Yes, I will."

"OK then." I assented.

"Bye."

I hung up the phone lying on my bed. I stared into the darkness of my bedroom and tried to come up with a less alarming scenario. I fell asleep for a few hours out of sheer exhaustion, and was awakened by a ring. It was that dreaded phone call. I sat up in my bed, rubbed my eyes and searched the bed for the phone. There was a message icon on the screen.

It was written; "I tested negative."

 **A/N:** I dare you to find out what's going to happen next. Go!


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